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Stephen SondheimStephen Sondheim 

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Stephen Sondheim

Stephen Joshua Sondheim ( /ˈsɒnd.haɪm/) (born March 22, 1930) is an American composer and lyricist known for his contributions to musical theatre. He is the winner of an Academy Award, eight Tony Awards including the Special Tony Award for Lifetime Achievement in the Theatre, multiple Grammy Awards, a Pulitzer Prize and the Laurence Olivier Award. Described by Frank Rich of the New York Times as "now the greatest and perhaps best-known artist in the American musical theater", his most famous works include (as composer and lyricist) A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, Company, Follies, A Little Night Music, Sweeney Todd, Sunday in the Park with George and Into the Woods. He also wrote the lyrics for West Side Story and Gypsy. more »

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I am Adolfo Pirelli
Da king of da barbers, da barber of kings
E buon giorno, good day
I blow you a kiss!

And I, da so-famous Pirelli
I wish-a to know
Who has-a da nerve-a to say
My elixir is-a piss!
Who says this?

I do 
I am Mr. Sweeney Todd 
I have opened this bottle of Pirelli's elixir
And I say to you it is nothing but an arrant fraud 
And furthermore-"Signor"-I have serviced no kings 
Yet I wager that I can shave a cheek and pull a tooth 
With ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank!

You hear zis foolish-a man? Watch and-a see how he will regret his-a folly!

Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?

Glad, as always, to oblige my friends and neighbors Ready?

Ready!

Ready 

The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner 

Now, signorini, signori
We mix-a da lather
But first-a you gather
Around, signorini, signori
You looking a man
Who have had-a da glory
To shave-a da Pope!
Mr Sweeney-so-smart
Oh, I beg-a your pardon-'ll
Call me a liar, was-a only a cardinal
Nope!
It was-a da Pope!

Perhaps, signorini, signori
You'd like-a I tell-a
Da famous-a story
Of Queen Isabella
Da queen of-a Polan
Whose toot' was-a swollen
I pull it so nice from her mout'
That-a though to begin she's a screaming-a murder
She's later-a swoon-a with bliss an' was heard-a
To shout
"Pull all of them out!"
To shave-a da face
To pull-a da toot'
Require da grace
And not-a da brute
For if-a you slip
You nick da skin
You clip-a da chin
You rip-a da lip a bit
And that's-a da trut'!

To shave-a da face
Or even a part
Widout it-a smart
Require da heart
It take-a da art
I show you a chart
I study-a starting in my yout'!

To cut-a da hair
To trim-a da beard
To make-a da bristle
Clean like a whistle
Dis is from early infancy
Da talent give to me
By God!
It take-a da skill
It take-a da brains
It take-a da will
To take-a da pains
It take-a da pace
It take-a da grace

The winner is Todd!

And now, who's for a tooth pulling-free without charge!

Oh, me, sir 
Me, sir 

Who else? No one? 
Then, sir, since there is no means to test the second skill
I claim the victory 

Wait! One moment Wait! You, boy! Get on that chair!

Me, Signor? Not a tooth, sir, I beg of you! 
I ain't got a twinge, not the slightest pain

You do now! We see who is zee victor now!

Ready?

Ready!

Ready

To pull-a da toot'
Widout-a da skill
Can damage da root
Now hold-a da still!
An' if-a you slip
You grip a bit
You hit da pit of it
Or chip-a da tip
And have-a to fill

To pull-a da toot'
Widout-a da grace
You leave-a da space
All over da place
You try to erase
Widout-a da trace
Sometimes is da case
You even-a kill

To hold-a da clamp
Widout-a da cramp
Wid all dat saliva
It could-a drive-a
You crazy
Don' mutter
Or back-a you go to da gutter!
My touch is as light as a butter-a
Cup!

I take-a da pains
I learn-a da art
I use-a da brains
I give-a da heart
I have-a da grace
I win-a da race!
I give-a da up

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