Franklin Shepard, Inc. [1994 Off-Broadway]

Stephen SondheimStephen Sondheim 

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Stephen Sondheim

Stephen Joshua Sondheim ( /ˈsɒnd.haɪm/) (born March 22, 1930) is an American composer and lyricist known for his contributions to musical theatre. He is the winner of an Academy Award, eight Tony Awards including the Special Tony Award for Lifetime Achievement in the Theatre, multiple Grammy Awards, a Pulitzer Prize and the Laurence Olivier Award. Described by Frank Rich of the New York Times as "now the greatest and perhaps best-known artist in the American musical theater", his most famous works include (as composer and lyricist) A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, Company, Follies, A Little Night Music, Sweeney Todd, Sunday in the Park with George and Into the Woods. He also wrote the lyrics for West Side Story and Gypsy. more »

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Now tell me, how do you two work together?

Oh, may I answer that?

Please

How do we work together? Sure
He goes-

And I go-

And soon we're humming along-
Hmmm-mmm
And that's called writing a song-
Hmmm-mmm
Then he goes-
And I go-
And the phone goes brrrring!

And he goes-
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter, yes Jerome
Mutter, no Jerome
Mutter mutter mutter mutter"
That's his lawyer, Jerome-
"Mutter, mutter, mutter, mutter, mutter, do it Jerome"

Click
"Sorry, Charley"

So I go-
And he goes-
And I go-

And soon we're tapping away
Hmmm-mmm

Bzzz!
"Sorry, Charley"
Bzzz!

Bzzz!

"Yes, Miss Bizz?"
"It's a messenger"
"Thanks, Miss Bizz
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you order the car?
Will you call up the bank?
Will you wire the coast?
Will you"
Brrrrrring!
"Sorry, Charley"
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter, sell the stock
Mutter, buy the rights
Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter"
Bzzz!
"Let me put you on hold"
Bzzz!
"Yes, Miss Bizz"
"It's the interview"
"Thanks, Miss Bizz"
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you wire the car?
Will you order the coast?
Will you send up the bank?"

And the telephones blink
And the stocks get sold
And the rest of us he keeps on hold
And he's into making movies
And he's now a corporation
Right?

So I play at home
With my wife and kids
And I wait to hear the movie bids
And I've got a little sailboat
And I'm into meditation
Right
He flies off to California
I discuss him with my shrink
That's the story of the way we work
Me and Franklin Shepard, Inc

Now, when you do work together, I've always been curious
Which generally comes first - the words or the music?

Generally, the contract

Ah, well that sounds like you think making money is a bad thing for an artist

Money?

Did I say money?

No, I like money a lot
Hmmm-mmm
I mean, it's better than not
Hmmm-mmm
But when it's
Money

Money
When you're into 

Money-
And you should be 

Listen, Frank does the money thing very well, but you know what?
Other people do it better
And Frank does the music thing very well
And you know what? No one does it better

Still, the telephones blink
And the buzzers buzz
And I really don't know what he does
But he makes a ton of money
And a lot of it for me -
Right?

So I think "Okay,"
And I start a play
And he somehow knows
'Cause right away
It's brrrring!
"Hiya, buddy
Wanna write a show?
Got a great idea
We'll own all the rights
With a two-week out
And a turnaround
On the guarantee
Plus a gross percent
Of the billing clause"

And there I am in California
Talking deals and turning pink
Back in business and I mean just that
Back with Franklin Shepard, Inc

Very sneaky how it happens
Much more sneaky than you think
Start with nothing but a song to sing
Next, you're Franklin Shepard 

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute
I'm getting in a little too deep here

Franklin, let me ask you

See, the thing is Frank and I are not that kind of close anymore
Not like we used to be

And now, Frank

And a friendship is like a garden
You have to water it, you have to tend it
You have to care about it or you lose it
And I miss it, and I want it back

Look, nothing permanent has happened
Just a temporary kink
Friendship's something you don't really lose

Ladies and gentlemen don't let me lose the greatest composer any lyricist ever had
Phone him, write him, stop him on the street - you'll recognise him
He's the one going through his chequebook- and tell that man to get back to his piano

Very sneaky how it happens
Every day you're on the brink
First the prizes, then the interviews 
Oh, my God, I think it's happened
Stop me quick before I sink
One more triumph that I can't refuse 

In case you didn't notice, this is my first time on TV - and my last

No, here's the point, whatever happens 
Then we'll all go have a drink 
That's the guy I love, the fella who's
Inside 
"Mutter, mutter, mutter, mutter
Quick, Jerome, get the president, there's a crazy man on my TV screen"

Inside 
Bzzz! Bzzz! Brrring! 
Inside Franklin Shepard 
Just write him care of any bank, USA
Inc

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