Divided

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X-el

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I'm feeling divided inside of myself
I'm fighting for more than just money and wealth
I write so I can help brighten
Mental health is so fragile but It can be heightened
At night when I'm sitting alone
I pick up and stare at my phone
When I already know there's nothing worth any bit of my time
Medias creating us socially blind
I live in a world that's divided
I'm trying to guide those who are living inside it
With music and poems you know why I write it
Was given a purpose just searching to find it
I want to be great but don't call me your highness
I'd rather see kindness over praising me just for following dreams
That I pulled from my mind it was not gifted
I was never assigned just to find it
Ya ya ye ye ye
I've been working my ass off to be the best version of me
That I know I can be
I got faith if you don't then you better believe I'm not stopping
Until I take my last breath
Or till my last breath takes me
I'm signing my name in the book of rap so them history pages will know my name
Believe it fame or no fame you'll know the name X-el
I don't know where I'm going
Heaven or Hell
F*ck it it may not exist oh well
But if It does I know I'ma be pissed when I arrive at the gates scorching in Hell
Only time will tell I guess
But right now I have so much I wanna rattle off of my chest
Like mom dad how you been
It's been a minute twenty two years in the making
Honestly it's kind of fucking funny to me now
I really wish you could see this devilish smile that was brought to my face
When I thought of one of you seeing my name in the city where you stay
You are not invited to see X-el live on stage or to ever say my birth name na
Now that I got that out of the way
On to the next problem that surfs my brain
Why is it when I feel pain and want to feel normal
They pop me with pills that take normal away
How is it so hard to get that from time to time we just need a hug
Not these street illegal but Doctor legal drugs that's a bit fucked up ya
You really wanna know why addictions so popping
It's from all the assorted pills and chemicals they're copping
And when they can't afford it cuz insurance is a joke
They'll go to the streets for a taste of coke
And spiral down an addictive black hole
Then be treated like garbage for needing help... or dead
Just cuz they needed help
What else oh yah
Alcohol the greatest past time of them all
Just ch-ch-ch-chug
Let's see how many we can get d-d-down
Before we t-t-t-throw'em all up
Just to realize that you need to be home so you hit the road
Oh where's the road
It's gone I'm in a hospital bed ha
I'm lucky laying next to a family that wasn't so lucky
Sad to say you turned their pregnant mother to lunch meat
And to top it off she was eighteen
Bringing me to my next gripe
The pregnancy rate is higher than ever
Why do we think this is it's sad cuz we sexualize under aged kids
Training their minds to know what the f*ck sex is
We're just fucking to f*ck not loving to love
The passion is gone you don't feel anymore when you touch
Where is the love where is even the attraction
You're just tryna get it wet when you have an erection
Now believe me I've been there too
I see it I want it It's like window shopping
When I see a fine dime walk by all proud flaunting
But now see the bigger picture in this life I'm living
Which I can't afford to lose I'm already ahead winning
I don't know if you'll see it the way that I see it
Listen a few times
But I'd rather you see it than need to go deal with it first hand
That's the truth man
You don't need to be good at math
To see the division across the map
I told you on This That
The country we all live in's a puzzle that's been thrown away in the trash
I don't think anything'll make it better this is the greatest country ever
The Divided States Of America
It's got a nice ring to it don't it
Rest in peace to George Floyd
And every citizen that's been murdered in vein
We should be building each other up
But instead we're killing each other off like flies bugs we're insects
Twenty twenty one let's drop racists off the face of the planet
Erasing the curse
Searching a cure for this tainted earth ugh
Lastly... rest in peace to the Covid victims
I think we can all agree f*ck nineteen
Suck a dick we've had enough of your virus shit
If you were a person you better believe that we'd all be stopping you out
Kicking you ribs and punching your face
Dissecting your guts by tearing them out through your mouth
Fatality style
You've pushed all our buttons
Get over here
That's the least we can do is to violently finish you
Then cutting you up into little pieces to finish the job
Finally clearing our streets an are air which we breathe
So you can now stay one thousand feet divided from us all
X-el

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