Ballad of a Ballgame

Do you remember that song by Janis Ian? The one where she complains about Not getting chosen for the basketball team? Her song went, "For those whose names are never called When choosing sides for basketball" Remember that depressing song? I would have written about that but she did it first When you're 5 foot 2 Okay, 5 one and a half And everybody else in the whole gym class If 5 foot 3 and even taller, it hurts Truth is I hadn't thought about that for years But then a recent phone call rekindled all those fears "A softball game ", Robin said, "And you're invited" Softball? Great, that's my game Why softball's practically my middle name I'll be right over I said, feeling excited Even though I can't throw, I can't hit I can't run, I must admit I can't catch, I can't pitch In softball I have not found my niche But I don't let details get in my way Team sports, ooh, that's what I loves to play I got dressed, got my sneakers tied Made it to the park in time for choosing sides Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, ooh Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, ooh Glove? Sure I own a glove But it's in the repair shop with my rugby helmet But I can always borrow from the other team Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me This part goes on for a long, long time Because 20 people showed up to play and they picked 10 to a side So as the ranks of the chosen grew and the unchosen we depleted I tried to act nonchalant 'Cause deja vu, I was the last one chosen Even after the overdressed Felicity Rosen Do you know her? She was wearing high heels Stockings with seams and those Lee stick on nails And they picked her before me They put me in the field so far out and to the right I was practically out of sight But everybody said, I had a real good day I didn't make any errors, I didn't make any plays You see, the ball never came out my way And I figured it's just gonna be one of those days Now, coming up to bat was a whole new kind of humbling experience I took one swing and missed, that was no surprise I took another swing and missed, that was no surprise Then I practiced strategy, I let one go by, the umpire called it a ball I had a proud moment Then the pitcher figured me out He threw one I just couldn't resist, I swung and I actually hit it But it was a pathetic little dribbler that went Bloop, bloop, bloop, right back to the pitcher Who threw it over to first and I was out which again is no surprise But as I was walking to the bench to pick up my borrowed glove To captain of the other team said to the captain of my team "Hey, she really doesn't know how to play so let's not count her outs" Not count my outs? Not count my outs? What are you talking about? I want you to count my outs, I want my outs to count Which made me unpopular with my entire team So I said, "Don't count my outs" What a great idea and it makes me feel so special Thank you for being such a sensitive human being And thinking of my needs in such an open Kind and generous way I really said something like that I was babbling like an idiot Well, eventually I resumed my place in the outfield And continued watching the dandelions Grow and blossom and turn into puffs And blow away in the chilly wind I continued watching the clouds making ugly formations in the sky And it wasn't long before I began to question my worth as a human being And my reason for living But then top of the seventh Two on, two out, a crack of the bat, a mighty clout My whole team turned and cringed to see That speeding ball heading vaguely toward me I ran as fast as I could, I said a prayer I stuck out my glove, the ball landed in there No one could believe it on either team They hooped and hollered and stomped and screamed And total strangers clapped and cheered (Aware that God had performed a miracle here) I was carried to the bench, I was handed a beer Then the clouds broke apart Then the sun reappeared No, it didn't, but it felt like it did in my heart I wanted to live again Oh, by the way we lost that game 17 to 3 But I considered it a moral victory And Janis Ian, wherever you might be Take heart, there's hope for you 'cause there's hope for me Take me out to the ballgame, take me out to the crowd Buy me some peanuts, I'll buy you Crackerjacks As long as you count my outs when I come up to bat Now it's root, root, root, root, root, root for both teams Win or lose, lose or win we're all the same Oh, won't you please take me out to the old ball game? Come on, please take me out to the old ball game