Song parody of
The Cold Hard Facts of Life
by Bill Anderson
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I got back in town a day before I'd planned to
I smiled and said I'll sure surprise my wife
I don't think I'll phone I'll just head on home
For I didn't know the cold hard facts of life
I passed a little wine store on the corner I pictured pink champagne by candle light
I stopped the car right then got out and hurried in
My mind not on the cold hard facts of life
A stranger stood there laughing by the counter
He said I'll take two bottles of your best
Her husband's out of town and there's a party
He winked as if to say you know the rest
I left the store two steps behind the stranger
From there to my house his car stayed in sight
But it wasn't till he turned into my drive I learned
I was witnessing the cold hard facts of life
I drove around the block till I was dizzy each time the noise came louder from within
And then I saw our bottle there beside me
And I drank a fifth of courage and walked in
Oh you should have seen their frantic faces
They screamed and cried please put away that knife
I guess I'll go to hell or rot here in the cell
But who told who the cold hard facts of life who told who the cold hard facts of life
I got back in town a day before I'd planned to
I smiled and said I'll sure surprise my wife
I don't think I'll phone I'll just head on home
For I didn't know the cold hard facts of life
I passed a little wine store on the corner I pictured pink champagne by candle light
I stopped the car right then got out and hurried in
My mind not on the cold hard facts of life
A stranger stood there laughing by the counter
He said I'll take two bottles of your best
Her husband's out of town and there's a party
He winked as if to say you know the rest
I left the store two steps behind the stranger
From there to my house his car stayed in sight
But it wasn't till he turned into my drive I learned
I was witnessing the cold hard facts of life
I drove around the block till I was dizzy each time the noise came louder from within
And then I saw our bottle there beside me
And I drank a fifth of courage and walked in
Oh you should have seen their frantic faces
They screamed and cried please put away that knife
I guess I'll go to hell or rot here in the cell
But who told who the cold hard facts of life who told who the cold hard facts of life
