Song parody of
How to Be a Country Star
by The Statler Brothers
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There’s questions we’re always hearing every where we go
Like how do I cut a record or get on a country show
Well, it takes more than just ambition and three chords on an old guitar
There’s a few more things you ought to learn to be a country star
You got to learn to sing like Waylon or pick like Jerry Reed
Yodel like Jeannie Shepard, write songs like Tom T
Put a cry in your voice like Haggard, learn Spanish like Johnny R
Whisper like Bill Anderson and you’ll be a country star
Play piano like Ronnie Mil sap or Gilly or Jerry Lee
Yo-yo like Roy Acuff or talk plain like Ralph Emery
Growl like Conway Twitty, get a red, white and blue guitar
Build a swimming pool like Webb did and you’ll be a country star
Be tall like Sonny James is, tell jokes like Minnie Pearl
Or be short like Jimmy Dickens or play five-string like Earl
Get a hip band like Willie, learn to stutter like M-Mel
Get a cap like Roy Clark wore or a voice like Barbara Mandrel
Be rich like Eddy Arnold, say you’re makin' more than you are
Get a gimmick like Charley Pride got and you’ll be a country star
But if you have no talent and you’re not a male
If you’re built somewhat like Dolly or have a face like Crystal Gayle
Come back stage and ask for Harold, Phil, Don or Lou
And we’ll see you get auditioned for the Statler Brothers Review
There’s questions we’re always hearing every where we go
Like how do I cut a record or get on a country show
Well, it takes more than just ambition and three chords on an old guitar
There’s a few more things you ought to learn to be a country star
You got to learn to sing like Waylon or pick like Jerry Reed
Yodel like Jeannie Shepard, write songs like Tom T
Put a cry in your voice like Haggard, learn Spanish like Johnny R
Whisper like Bill Anderson and you’ll be a country star
Play piano like Ronnie Mil sap or Gilly or Jerry Lee
Yo-yo like Roy Acuff or talk plain like Ralph Emery
Growl like Conway Twitty, get a red, white and blue guitar
Build a swimming pool like Webb did and you’ll be a country star
Be tall like Sonny James is, tell jokes like Minnie Pearl
Or be short like Jimmy Dickens or play five-string like Earl
Get a hip band like Willie, learn to stutter like M-Mel
Get a cap like Roy Clark wore or a voice like Barbara Mandrel
Be rich like Eddy Arnold, say you’re makin' more than you are
Get a gimmick like Charley Pride got and you’ll be a country star
But if you have no talent and you’re not a male
If you’re built somewhat like Dolly or have a face like Crystal Gayle
Come back stage and ask for Harold, Phil, Don or Lou
And we’ll see you get auditioned for the Statler Brothers Review
