Uneasy Rider 88

Me and my buddy got us a wild hair And figured we wanted to go somewhere So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet We had a little bit of money and a whole lot of show And with Hank Junior blaring on the radio We got a tank full of gas and we was on our way We figured we'd go down to New Orleans We were barrelling' down old 17 When a man with a blinking red light was on our tail He said, "You were doin' 60 in a 45 But I'm gonna let you go this time But if I catch you again, I'm gonna slap you in the county jail" We said, "Thank you sir, you sure been nice And you ain't gonna have to tell us twice" And we were Southbound and down with the wind blowing in our faces We kept on rolling and pretty soon The radio was cooking out a haggard tune And we were pulling into Houston and checking out all the places I was feeling dry and I said, "I think We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink" Old Jim said, "Yeah 'cause we got time to kill" We kept on rolling and I seen this spot We pulled into the parking lot Of this place called, 'The Cloud Nine Bar and Grill' We walked through the door and the place was jammed The lights were low, they had a punk rock band And some orange haired feller singing about suicide I said, "Jim, this ain't our kind of place He said, "Well, let's just have one round anyway" So against my better judgment we walked on inside Went up to the bar and we sat down This feller walked up and said, "I'll buy this round" And he sat down on the barstool next to Jim He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy He had lipstick on and mascara in his eyes And everybody in that place looked just about like him I said, "Jim, this ain't our kind of bar Let's just go on out and get back in the car 'Cause there's gonna be trouble, ain't no sense in taking a chance" We was getting up, getting ready to leave When somebody grabbed old Jim by the sleeve And this good looking girl, she was asking my buddy to dance I said, "Jim, don't do it, there's something missing There's fellers dancing and fellers kissing There's a feller in high heeled shoes wearing panty hose" He said, "Partner, I just can't turn this down You just go over there and have one more round I'll dance with the lady and we'll get on down the road" So he walked away and left me alone But this funny looking feller kept coming on And he was making me mad with some of the things he said Then he put his hand on my knee I said, "If you don't get your paw off me I'm gonna locate your nose around the other side of your head" He said, "I love it when you get that fire in your eye I said, "Well, partner try this on for size" And I unloaded on him and he went out like a light Everybody in that place must have been his friend They all headed for me, I said, "This is the end" But where I come from, we don't give up without a fight They were screaming and yelling and scratching and clawing I was punching and hitting and kicking and pawing I was holding my own, 'cause I've been in a scrap or two Old Jim come running up out of the blue And that gal he was with, come running up too And proceeded to beat on me with a high heel shoe I grabbed her by the hair it came off in my hand And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man And old Jim just got sick right there on the floor He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun Smeared his lipstick, made his makeup run And me and old Jim started fighting our way to the door Man, we lit out of there in that Chevrolet I put in on the floor and it stayed that way We was going' down the highway doing about a hundred and ten We were headed for home and we was getting nearer Then a red light came on the rear view mirror And that same blame cop was pulling us over again Now I'm sitting' here in this county jail I had to call my Daddy to go our bail But I learned me a lesson that I never will forget again I've done give up drinking', I've give up bars And running around the country in souped up cars I'm going back where the women are women and the men are men