Everything You Know Is Wrong

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane With a rabid wolverine in my underwear When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie? Is it Bob or Joe or Walter? Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?" I probably would have kept on guessing But about that time we crashed into the truck And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me Everything you know is wrong Black is white, up is down and short is long And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter Everything you know is wrong Just forget the words and sing along All you need to understand is Everything you know is wrong I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams When I accidentally stepped into a alternate dimension And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr They sucked out my internal organs And they took some Polaroids and said I was a darn good sport And as a way of saying thank you They offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night So I could pay my phone bill on time Just then the disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling Everything you know is wrong Black is white, up is down and short is long And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter Everything you know is wrong Just forget the words and sing along All you need to understand is Everything you know is wrong I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin When I got a nasty paper cut And, well, to make a long story short It got infected and I died So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates And it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing He tells me that they've got a dress code Well, he lets me into heaven anyway But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity And every day he runs by screaming Everything you know is wrong Black is white, up is down and short is long And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter Everything you know is wrong Just forget the words and sing along All you need to understand is Everything you know is wrong