Loathing (feat. Ashley Rose)

Loathing If there's one thing that I can't take It's this world that's so full of hate Never one thought about what they say And the weight on my brain with anxiety Loathing Even when I try to escape Trying to hide my scars from the pain I feel so stained, and I'm saying that it's bothering me Loathing The feeling I got from jealous ones The hate they spray like shotgun casings since their days are hellish ones But I was frail when their words were flying like "Ugly Duckling" This bird wasn't flocking with their feathers, so they were chuckling Blackbird singing in the dead of night Saying my tone should be negro instead of white But I thought I was being me, just like I was taught to Yet, intelligence makes me negligent to my roots according to both hues? And so they see me try to shake it off Make them scoff; since the music wasn't gang banging, claiming soft The way I talk, the way I walk were targets for it all Small minded people couldn't picture my thinking large Since it was different from the usual I had to ask, "Do I have to be like them to be cool to dudes?" Wanting to be accepted while wanting to change the same The cool nerd became my aim, but they brush me off as a lame That's why I'm loathing Loathing If there's one thing that I can't take It's this world that's so full of hate Never one thought about what they say And the weight on my brain with anxiety Loathing Even when I try to escape Trying to hide my scars from the pain I feel so stained, and I'm saying that it's bothering me Loathing Surrounded by my peers pressing Molded my esteem a bit as I start second guessing Popularity's becoming more important in the seventh Graded in the lower eighth cause good grades aren't all impressive Still considered an Oreo amongst all the classmates Though, I finally found that behavior has no attached race But now I get picked on for my skill in athletics Not too pathetic; still the sidelines and my cleats were magnetic Attracted the outcasts, since my mouth casts kindness Treating friends like acquaintances, since my smiles hide this Feeling that no one really likes me; some don't mind just Tolerating my company during school times; it's At that moment, I hated how I stick out Even though, I tried to become everyone's Malcolm in the Middle That pressure caved me and crying for help That night I won't forget where my mama knelt Aiding me cope with my self-loathing Loathing If there's one thing that I can't take It's this world that's so full of hate Never one thought about what they say And the weight on my brain with anxiety Loathing Even when I try to escape Trying to hide my scars from the pain I feel so stained, and I'm saying that it's bothering me Loathing The fact that I still can't escape it The fact that half of my jokes are still self-deprecating The truth that I see me as a failure in the making Cause although I'm made amazing, I settle in my complacence Am I hypocritical to push people to positivity When I'm the same as them, by letting all my flaws get to me? The hate decayed my flame a decade ago Since my insecurities they called out are unshakeable Caught up in looks, cause I ain't got them Decisions have me shook; I slalom Because chances I took end rotten I'm broke as a joke cause I choked helping folks As a CNA or PCT and seeing a poor me be TLC's Definition of scrub That's why I'm not showing me any love I HATE ME! I hate that I hate me Cause as a kid, I was raised to live a great me But now I'm never good enough to even take compliments Behind all the confidence is a man lost in his own loathing Loathing If there's one thing that I can't take It's this world that's so full of hate Never one thought about what they say And the weight on my brain with anxiety Loathing Even when I try to escape Trying to hide my scars from the pain I feel so stained, and I'm saying that it's bothering me Loathing And lastly, I want to get out of here for good And after I do, I don't want to pay no taxes, like, forever! You want the Fiyablasta, he has some demands