Empty Bottles/April 20th

Barely a dollar to my name Lint up in my pocket Pint to ease the pain, was the only way to stop it 4th quarter stressin' I'm runnin' low on options Presented, while I pray the IRS don't need deposits 'Cause if they do I know they comin' for me, guaranteed That empty bottle and stereo system, all I need With my son CD playin' in the deck When you my make it my nigga I'ma be layin' in the Bach, gettin' head in my dream car Now if you tell the truest stories They'll know who we are I know it seem far, but You made a promise that our name'll never die Let that resonate within you When you look into the sky Knowin' if I was to die today I'll be a happy man, knowin' that you on your way I never thought I'll see the day When you would go and turn my life into a classic For now, I'm pourin' up to try to make it Empty bottles comin' after my soul The devil tryna take what I own Givin' all I can, and I can't take it more Got me feelin' empty like this bottle I'm on Dark clouds, comin' over my brain Pourin' liquor, tryna ease that pain Mix it with holy water, just to keep me alive I take a sip to get me closer to God Get me closer to God Look, if I don't make it there to tell my story personally Make sure you tell it for me Even if it's the worst of me You know me better than anyone on this planet So if nobody else does I know you'll understand it I know you had some questions in the past that wasn't answered You was too young for me to tell you And you understand 'em Everything was perfect, but my ego wanted more That's why it kills me to this day To think about before Of all the times When she was cryin' up in that bed Gettin' used to loneliness 'Cause I was out instead, of bein' home Tryna be the man that she envisioned While provin' that your Papa wasn't right 'Bout our decision I'm more than just a black man More than just a father It's more than payin' child support To show him that I got him In my early days, I could afford to do it right But when I lost Hope I lost the hope in my life Now I'm back to that first step Been tryna stack my money up And get my feet back under me, just like a door step Exposin' all my flaws, while the world judge me But I need you to know the truth No matter what you thinkin' of me I could've been a better husband Could've been a better father Could've put away my pride But I couldn't even bother Puttin' y'all through that again Livin' in a world of sin Now I'm to that point of no return, closer to the end Granddaddy in Heaven While I'm closer to hell But when a man is at his lowest That's when he prevails I tried to show you well But every time, I looked into your eyes I was in a war with myself Fallin' victim, to the dangers Of my daily routine Drownin' sorrows in a bottle Didn't mean to intervene You said when you was 16 That this'll take my life Just know, I went the way I wanted to And that's alright (Shit) (Fuck is goin' on?) I won't let the past haunt me Thinkin' 'bout before I ever thought of heaven I need a ticket Now what it cost me? I'll give whatever's in my pocket Down to the lint, if you promise I'll make it to where you lay your head Now I'm lyin' on this bed In dyer need of a breath You lyin' nigga, I can't be dead I'm his father that you tryna take Up to what's called a better place I hope it's like what you explain He startin' to question everything Show him that he wrong This the time you show him that you real Was never atheist But questioned, your dedication To makin' him feel the comfort That he should feel In a world that felt so perfect Before reality surfaced On April 20, I lost my life I'll give you another present Just make sure I'm in his presence, from here I won't let the past haunt me Thinkin' 'bout before I ever thought of heaven He need a ticket Now what it cost me? I'll give whatever's in my pocket Down to the lint, if you promise He'll make it to where you lay your head Now he lyin' on this bed In dyer need of a breath You lyin' nigga, he can't be dead That's my father that you tryna take Up to what's called a better place I hope it's like what you explain I'm startin' to question everything Show me that I'm wrong This the time you show me that you real Was never atheist But questioned, your dedication To makin' me feel the comfort That I should feel In a world that felt so perfect Before reality surfaced On April 20, I lost my will I'm jealous that you gained another present Without his presence, it's hard to move on I wonder if he felt me walkin' out the room? Did he know I said my final word? When I told him, that I'm stayin' "Just don't worry Dad, I'll be back soon" Did he know I'm lyin' just to make him feel comfortable When you finally gotta tell him That it's time to move? They started takin' that support away And closed the curtain Now, it's more than certain there's no miracles While his life slowly slippin' The hands grippin' From sisters and lovers And now he turnin' blue I'm waitin' out in the lobby With my stomach turnin' Feelin' guilty, I should be in there with you But I couldn't stand to see you like that ("Wait, why they walkin' back?") At that very moment I knew I had to accept it They opened up the door Now a name is what I'm left with To carry it forever And further than where he laid From here, you'll live within me Through that promise that we made, on April 20th