Song parody of
Elephant in the Room, Pt. 1
by Ex Wife
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There's a glass half empty
There's a glass half full
I look in the mirror
A friend or a fool?
With ignorance or wisdom?
Is he good or evil?
Brave or a coward?
A boy or a girl?
When I look in the mirror
What creature would I be?
A mermaid or a fish?
A monkey stuck in a tree?
Shark or an eel?
Eagle or magpie?
Panther or snake?
A graceful swan or a butterfly?
When I looked in the mirror
What did I dream?
A managing director
With a beautiful partner
Maybe some kids one day
Some pets and a goat
Big house of my own
A holiday home
When I looked in the mirror
What did I see?
A flabby middle manager
That's just getting by
45 years old thinking
What have I achieved?
Parents and teacher would agree
I've under-achieved
The elephants in the room are eating
The elephants in the room are winning
The elephants in the room are grinning
This is what it means to be English
To be reserved and not to speak out
Going to break down the walls
Release them into the wild
I stop to question
To follow the rules
To do what you're told
Accept your lot
To not get cross
To eat five a day
And exercise lots
Look in the mirror
What would my wife say?
Russ is Russ
It is what it is
He has his moments
He's not an Adonis
We're just getting by
It makes me want to cry
When I look in the mirror
And I look real close
Should I start wearing make-up?
Or change my clothes?
Remove my body hair?
Wear nice underwear?
Paint my nails
And paint my toes?
When I look in the mirror
How do I explain this?
Where do I start?
Is it all in my head?
Do I read a book?
Do I see a doctor?
Is it a passing phase?
Or a crisis of middle age?
The elephants in the room are eating
The elephants in the room are winning
The elephants in the room are grinning
This what it means to be English
To be reserved and not to speak out
Got to break down the walls
Release them into the wild
Should I poison the reeds?
Do I buy a large net?
Do I get a gun?
Should I tell my mum?
Can I tell my wife?
The elephants in the room are breeding
The elephants in the room are mating
There's a glass half empty
There's a glass half full
I look in the mirror
A friend or a fool?
With ignorance or wisdom?
Is he good or evil?
Brave or a coward?
A boy or a girl?
When I look in the mirror
What creature would I be?
A mermaid or a fish?
A monkey stuck in a tree?
Shark or an eel?
Eagle or magpie?
Panther or snake?
A graceful swan or a butterfly?
When I looked in the mirror
What did I dream?
A managing director
With a beautiful partner
Maybe some kids one day
Some pets and a goat
Big house of my own
A holiday home
When I looked in the mirror
What did I see?
A flabby middle manager
That's just getting by
45 years old thinking
What have I achieved?
Parents and teacher would agree
I've under-achieved
The elephants in the room are eating
The elephants in the room are winning
The elephants in the room are grinning
This is what it means to be English
To be reserved and not to speak out
Going to break down the walls
Release them into the wild
I stop to question
To follow the rules
To do what you're told
Accept your lot
To not get cross
To eat five a day
And exercise lots
Look in the mirror
What would my wife say?
Russ is Russ
It is what it is
He has his moments
He's not an Adonis
We're just getting by
It makes me want to cry
When I look in the mirror
And I look real close
Should I start wearing make-up?
Or change my clothes?
Remove my body hair?
Wear nice underwear?
Paint my nails
And paint my toes?
When I look in the mirror
How do I explain this?
Where do I start?
Is it all in my head?
Do I read a book?
Do I see a doctor?
Is it a passing phase?
Or a crisis of middle age?
The elephants in the room are eating
The elephants in the room are winning
The elephants in the room are grinning
This what it means to be English
To be reserved and not to speak out
Got to break down the walls
Release them into the wild
Should I poison the reeds?
Do I buy a large net?
Do I get a gun?
Should I tell my mum?
Can I tell my wife?
The elephants in the room are breeding
The elephants in the room are mating
