Beside of Myself

Am I getting beside of myself? Living with pride and denying the help Am I sitting on top of the shelf? Feeling emotions that I never felt The life that I lived the cards I was dealt Was killing myself objective was hell Knees are scraped from that time that I fell Am I getting beside of myself? Am I getting beside of myself? Living with pride and denying the help Am I sitting on top of the shelf? Feeling emotions that I never felt The life that I lived the cards I was dealt Was killing myself objective was hell Knees are scraped from that time that I fell Am I getting beside of myself? Blocking the images, thoughts that were triggering Thinking to myself when will I live again God knocking on doors the devil is living in just to come save me from sin again I can't save myself without You, I have no protection Free will has made me a weapon choices I made lead me to be desperate The lifestyle I lived it was reckless sat in the dark like I couldn't find any exit I thought that they cared I mean they seem like they do in that costume They're dressed in One crack in the door and he crept in, attacking my parents as leverage Notepad on my left and pen in my right that one thing in my life that's steady I thought life was easy but I wasn't ready Fighting off demons and habits embedded For a while no one could believe me my actions revealed where I would be heading In love with the street was labeled a menace my years of addiction it equaled to seven A couple of cases becoming a felon It was the strangest when dad went to heaven There's times that I wish I could go up and get him Had no time to heal but couldn't forget him Toxic emotions I went and I fed them This cannot be real I'm anxious and sweating I'm not OCD so my life is messy As long as I'm moving it means I'm not resting The flesh I would please you want I did it You could be alive but are you living? Am I getting beside of myself? Living with pride and denying the help Am I sitting on top of the shelf? Feeling emotions that I never felt The life that I lived the cards I was dealt Was killing myself objective was hell Knees are scraped from that time that I fell Am I getting beside of myself? Am I getting beside of myself? Living with pride and denying the help Am I sitting on top of the shelf? Feeling emotions that I never felt The life that I lived the cards I was dealt Was killing myself objective was hell Knees are scraped from that time that I fell Am I getting beside of myself? There's things that I've done and i wish i could change them I wish that i knew I'll regret them all later I kept my head down I was lined up with satan I hated the pain so I lived sedated Been thanking my family for all of the prayers Not for one second I thought I would make it My father he waited until I was saved and then he departed man God bless his patience (Bless him!) Not everyone close will get what your saying They won't understand all that your maintaining Forget expectations you'll end up degraded by thinking They got you but they never make it Making plans that turns out to be dangerous then feeling defeated I'm left in anguish The cycle is viscous the good in me draining I heard all the lectures I told them to save it In order to fix it I have to change it, get rid of the extra and start off with basics Exhausted from running so problems I face 'em get right on my knees the power of prayer I loved what the world had to offer but hated it I made up my bed and I laid in it I write with the hope that you take from it realizing you see where your placement is I understand I'm not the only one i know there's someone that relates to this Yeah You know i can't be the only one That sits back and think about the things that I've done Am I getting beside of myself? Living with pride and denying the help Am I sitting on top of the shelf? Feeling emotions that I never felt The life that I lived the cards I was dealt Was killing myself objective was hell Knees are scraped from that time that I fell Am I getting beside of myself? Am I getting beside of myself? Living with pride and denying the help Am I sitting on top of the shelf? Feeling emotions that I never felt The life that I lived the cards I was dealt Was killing myself objective was hell Knees are scraped from that time that I fell Am I getting beside of myself?