All I Kno.....

Let me tell y'all a little story.....of how it all began Started in the summer of 1995 pops re-married 2 someone I despised I tried to make everything great or all right then peaked the solution of suicide Fought it off every time it came I was the one the finger pointed at for the blame Tried to take it couldn't break it felt completely naked Shit kept changin' no matter if I forsaked it Pushed & bullied in & outta school I never defended myself I felt like sucha fool Looked down upon no one had my back Defense I lacked every day from all directions I got smacked Then moms always berated & hated Screamed at whenever she got bombed or faded Screamed at by everyone & always provoked Laughed at me cuz I was just a joke All I kno is pain All I feel is rage How can I escape? When I all I hold is pain? All I kno is pain I can't get away Nothing more to gain All I kno is pain My world demolished by 2 newcomers Can't say I lost him but I never knew my brother When those 2 moved in they took my life away Treated me like garbage & I couldn't find a way Moving right into more it followed with my friend's deaths God please help me end this My own family didn't care nor understand They had no clue about this pain in another man Portals of delusions causing extra confusion mind is fusing with abusing myself only music helps I put faith in god but he wasn't there There was only me, the clouds & thin air I was the sk8pegoat no matter where the hell I was Constantly challenged kept losing my balance 8 years & more betrayed by everyone Pops sometimes forgot he even had a son If I could shut this down I would luv nothing more But I can't get away can't heal or cover these sores Sucks when the only 1 that gets you is you Swarmed with attitudes when you express your best gratitude Even when ya do what ya have to do & have to move With guilt trips & arrogance, I've had it dude Having ongoing painful dreams it seems Someone's pushin' till I die with my last fatal scream All I kno is pain All I feel is rage How can I escape? When I all I hold is pain? All I kno is pain I can't get away Nothing more to gain All I kno is pain God I hurt so much I can hardly cry anymore I'm in a hate ocean I ain't bragging ain't boastin' The ache falls over me an illness I can't rid Feel me on my plague I hope you're understanding this My stories aren't a sweet taste they're sugar free The shit I faced I wish you all coulda seen I don't know why I proceed guess I'ma fighter Don't understand it my days never gain brighter Can't trust a soul that's why I roam alone Every time I let' em close I had thrown control So hard but I gotta just hold my own Building vigilance when my girls & bros turn foes All the times of agony I tried to keep avoidin' Then I slowly mutated from all the poison But it happens still to this very day Some of it decreased but all I kno is pain