Most of Me

How the fuck you pose to live life with a conscious Yourself telling yourself shit which is nonsense Then you get to talking to yourself like I got this To realize you respond to your own fucking responses Maybe it's just me maybe I'm fucked up Or maybe it's just me only I lucked up See everybody got a story it's just a matter of Who gone listen to the shit cause everybody not worried But how can you blame em? They got they own bullshit And ya problems just adding on more shit So how far you willing to go before you force it Story of my life for the vise or the versa But y'all don't understand like my verses in cursive I curse at everybody who say I should stop cursing (Shut the fuck up) My only joy is pain I'm better off hurting But everything I live for I die for It's hard to understand when you dying to live Apologize if these bars going over your head Then again no I don't cause I ain't rapping for kids but Speaking of kids I pay for mines monthly I guess my baby mom felt my something wasn't nothing Truth be told she bitter I ain't fucking with her (I ain't fucking with her) Using my kids to treat me like a sucker nigga Look how the chips fall I went from having your face on my shirt To kicking your stupid ass out my car Kids in the back screaming please stop fighting She was Chung Li I was feeling like Byson If she was Robin Givens I was fin to be Tyson Yelling in my ear disrespecting my license It was only one way for her to stay alive (One way) So I left her right on the shoulder of 95 To my daughter and my son I apologize (Sorry y'all) Cause they seen superman with fire in his eyes Til this day that still hurt my heart I never wanted them to see daddy play that part Never wanted them to hear daddy say bad words Or constantly have to hear daddy be at work Daddy never got time have to be that jerk Maybe they'll understand when they older Raising royalty but train mines like soldiers (Atten hut) Try to do my best while I'm coherent Only to realize that it's no such thing as good parents Whichever route you choose you'll see it's a lose lose By the time they choose crews you wishing you choose cruise Or coast slow it down them kids too old now So it's shoulda coulda wish I knew what I know now (Damn) Some say I lack consistency (What) Which to me was whole entire mystery (What) Until I took the time out to look and see That they ain't seeing me the way I'm seeing me I'm looking for the puzzle it's a missing piece Looking for my heart and that's a missing piece Or maybe it's just missing peace Your better half will push they insecurities upon you Misery love company so that's the mind do For the longest I ain't care what people thought about me (Nah) Then the ones I cared for had bad thoughts about me (Why?) Figured I change it, I tried to give em what they really wanted Thinking they'd be happy with rearrangement But all the rearranging to them was entertainment And satisfying others brought my soul to enslavement (Real shit) Icy is tatted on me thats engravement Thinking theses the niggas Imma go to the grave with (Nah) Dame and Bank the only niggas I'm the same with Them other niggas I don't slang, hang or bang with (Fuck em) Surprised by they disguise nah this is amazement When I talk to Toya I just wanna cry She believe I'm the reason that she alive And the raps that I spit is why she survived I ain't even one slice of this whole pie I can't imagine how you feel dog (How you feel dog) I just know that shit is real dog (Shit is real dog) Sometimes I be reminiscing Like who would think that you would have a brain aneurysm I can't fathom how you do it on your own From being the back bone to feeling like you alone I never know what to say so I don't answer the phone Hearing you in that state is something I can't condone That's a catch 22 cause it's selfish to you But to me I need me more than you ever knew (Real shit) Empty cups don't share water And a man with a dime can't spare quarters Fucked up but it's reality Life is too short to be worried about who lied to me Or waiting for the accused to issue an apology Or holding all the pain I feel here inside of me Call myself dealing with it knowing I'm just bottling When shaken like a soda you explode on who swallowing (That's real shit) Or you open it on your own Realizing you all alone No contacts to phone Gun side of the dome Children probably at home Neither wife concerned How long fore anybody had known that you was gone (That you was gone, you was gone, you was gone) Taking my own life will probably make things right Then I can my see the kids and me and they mom won't fight Maybe Tas and Zeez will meet and get along Maybe not but the idea sound good in a song Sick and tired of being sick and tired Fuck that I'm just tired of being tired Tired of just trying eyeing and not buying Working to take care of ungrateful ass liars Whenever you fall short they sure to highlight it Whenever you bring good it's sure to get slighted Temptation all in your face you expected to fight it No credit for seeing apples and never trying to bite it Life easy cause you're a man it's hard because they not If we all played our roles we can all be on top If you don't see the bigger picture you another lost nigga Somebody gotta be found I can't be lost witcha