BLEEDING THROUGH THE MASK

When they find my body tell them leave it where I kept it In a drawer with all my regrets and the parts I left neglected Promise with a handgun, I lived my whole life reckless Dreaming of another way to reignite the light in me Honestly, I wish I could've given you the best of me Break my back to show my spine, I am my own worst enemy Keeping tabs on my old haunts, no love, nobody there for me Lost hope in the father, started buying what they're selling me Taking full bags to the dome, I ain't never leaving home Ain't felt love in so long, got my heart turning stone But when in Rome Indulgence is the norm I'm gonna take the world by storm, just give this one listen more If you ain't pick up what I said, you ain't really about it This ain't slinging drugs or catching bodies, just dependence on that molly Catch me coasting out of body, out of sight, out of mind Think I lost a piece of mine coasting between space and time Just a cosmic object, of zero importance A wink of the cosmos is our whole life before us 50 years, a man's life Already lived that twice A balance between god and bone If hell is hot, then heaven's cold Like a battle of blood, no side wins Do the best you can just to avoid a life of sin But the rules keep changing, and nobody explaining So I said fuck it to the pious, let's go start a fucking riot I, on a shoreline I find myself Lost in your arms again Lost in the waves Standing by a river got me caught up in my dreams Caught in-between, rough undercurrent in the stream This can't be life, the ones you loved, the ones that left you No this can't be right, I can't accept that heaven kept you Your life is yours to make, if you want it you can have it But if this life is yours to take, please don't let it be a habit Losing all my friends, swear it's giving me the bends If my mans from the ends can't be there in the end As we get older, shit get colder, I can't see clear Snowflakes got me thinking I won't see next year Know that every day a blessing, I ain't see it then Never see it coming 'til you see it in your men The spirit leaves, the mind goes blank A body with no pilot, the environment reacts Mirror images of a life of stone Family asking me when he's coming home Shit I wish I knew, I still miss him too But the hero in this story hooked on hero' in the truth But that's god's way, can't face what the tomb say Unmarked grave in the park where the kids play News say, another body in the leaves Hope death ain't coming for me but we're all food for the trees When the man above says times up, so rack another line up Don't give a fuck about today, 'cause we ain't promised for tomorrow Feel it running through my marrow, body feeling like a shackle Smoking on tobacco, this cough is more a rattle Every day another battle with the bottle On the ropes in petty squabbles, it isn't worth all of the hassle Feeling trapped inside the lasso A horse's noose, grip won't loose What's the use? Give it all up, float among the waves, and I, on the shoreline I find myself Lost in your arms again Lost in the waves High off a bag of rocket Shooting off bottle rockets The key that's in my pocket Call that direct deposit Know that I got some problems Don't do too good at hiding Work through it in my writing Don't worry I'm just vibing Don't ask about my state of mind I told ya Putting up Guevara posters, it's apparent I'm a poser Poster child for abstinence from substances I came up out the gutter doing blow off genesis To be this good it takes ages Billing a zoot with bible pages Saying fuck the man I'm talking to the other hand This one is for the people on the corner catching coins in cans Pots and pans, plots and plans, i don't need them I'm just strolling through a toxic land, washed in the blood of lambs This is scripture, make you spiritually richer Bombs I'm dropping, kamikaze, take my mental out the picture Been gone for days in a maze of my creation Tunnel through the walls and watch the roof cave in I made it out the rubble but the trouble didn't stop there Dodging blue lines, chasing white with more some more beer Ignore the fear that my heart might be going Drinks stay flowing, I'm getting way too open Might just tell 'em something I can't expose I knows it in my bones, I'm numb, ain't got no soul I go to speak but nothing comes out I open my mouth and spiders crawl out One chair in the cell that I sleep in Concrete floor where I battle all my demons, my own colosseum Spirits, I can see 'em, looks like I'm leaving Road to purgatory and I'm still free wheeling, but All I wrote is nothing but prose No imagination, hallucinations of the nose Hallucinations of the nose Tryna drown my sorrows in some new designer clothes And I got me some new flows But even with new shit the cons still outweigh the pros I'm on a disc with RXS3 You know my wrist on froze But I still wish that I was buried six feet under the snow This little light of mine It'll never get its time to shine My music's like a bottle rocket failed to launch It's just a bunch of junk that never took off Maybe it's for the best My pops said it best He said it's blending in with all the rest Time moves by and my corpse will decay But I still hope that my album will get a few plays I'll get by, taking this day by day But if I die, just know you'll be okay All I've ever done was bring other people down I don't think I'll forget my mother's defeated frown All I've ever been is a disappointment to others Not to mention a constant burden on my lovers Why can't time just pass me by? Why can't time just pass me by? Why can't time just pass me by? Why can't time just pass me by? Why can't time just pass me by Hope you can hear my cry up in heaven, oh my Accomplishments go down the drain when I see the powder rain Made me forget why came or why I even left the game Don't call it a relapse Just a lil' something, help me relax Just show me where the speed at Help me counteract the Benadryl Or better still Let me mix it with some vodka Let mind start to wonder Now completely detached our hero finds themselves In a Honda in an alley Pally with the plug they great each other with a hug But it's always strictly business, don't get it twisted Friends are far from our heroes side Cause it's their own reality where they chose to reside Far from where was once home Lonely place where no one goes Hallucinations of the nose Bleeding through the mask that my father gave The ghost of his features I wish I couldn't see 'em But I'm bleeding through the mask of my history A roadmap with no goal Even if you paint it gold I'm still running from the facts about myself That I can't deny I've been away too much I never really tried To fix the parts of me That I thought were a disgrace I had tears in my eyes Blood running down my face All these scars Are memories I just relive Permanent reminder sometimes life's a bitch Cut me open and all you'll see is the truth Life is colour motion not a painted bowl of fruit So I'm still bleeding through the mask that my father gave The ghost of his features Sometimes appears in the ether And I'm still bleeding through the mask of my history Feels like I'll never leave it Memory got me defeated Feels like the last 20 years I been high My brain wide open My body is broken I can't keep on living out this lie Don't even act like I'm happy You'd be better without me The performance is done I hope you had fun Hearing my trouble splattered aimless on the page They say tragedy is the comedy of life Well good luck laughing staring death in the eye We're on a first name basis I'm just covering bases They say my music is tasteless They'd see the vision if I made it If god is real then I repent for all my sin But what's the use of a god When the devil lives within The things I held so close Are the things that hurt me most But I can't even front I know, it's all my fault I'm a Blunt attitude Stunted as a youth I can't look at myself Cause all I see is you More like a shadow than a ghost I