Paranoia

I got all these thoughts that trap me in my head Bind me like a snake until I suffocate on all my dread Poisoning my mind with all the lies until I blame my meds Up the dosage, turn me to a member of the walking dead Hear what I said, no I'm not joking but the devil is poking at my mind Yes I pray to God, but I feel tension coming from inside Bonafide, insanity, I'm not sure what to see What to think, what to feel, I think I need a shrink My thoughts are dangerous, so carnivorous eating at me Till there nothing left from within Who will win, I don't know The thing is, I'm like a bomb ready to blow And it shows, and I'm scared to reveal all the darkness Regardless if I need the help for my woes, let's go I think it's time that we put on a show There's people that love me I don't even know it They say that they care, I don't feel like they show it When I'm leading worship I feel like I blow it I'm losing my confidence moment by moment I don't need a reason, you committed treason The voices are haunting me, saying they're taunting me What the hells wrong with me, I don't know who to be I can't decider what's fake or reality Hold up let's back up now I'll admit I'm a little embarrassed That's why I don't wear it upon my face I just say I'm okay and pretend to relate While I mentally contemplate the things that your saying Are they true or are they a lie Would you care if I suddenly died Will you be what brings demise And hey, why do you look so suspicious, malicious, and are you a predator too Are you plotting to hurt the people that I love, to get a message to come through Man I'm so confused, and I'm mentally bruised Because all the nightmares are coming to view All alone in a room, isolated I feel like I'm doomed Hey can I pleased be excused I feel like I'm caged inside my own mind I feel like the real me I will never find These people think they know but they don't realize The struggles that I'm facing make me wanna cry Too much anger that's built up inside my head Why am I paranoid and feel they all want me dead I can't explain it so I'll just crawl into bed And begin drowning in all my sorrows and dread Feel like I'm hanging on nothing but a single thread Maybe I should be locked up for a bit instead Maybe this whole time by God I've been mislead Why don't I just fill my skull with a load of lead I feel it, my skin is peeling, while I'm not longer feeling Empathy, sympathy, this is my symphony All my deeds, they all mean nothing to me While I bleed out the thoughts that brought me to defeat Oh you thought that was mean You don't know the thick of it You don't know all the things I be dreaming, I hear all the screaming The anxiety feeling that keeps me awake at night A million thoughts running round in my darkened mind Will I find inner peace, or is it just too late for me, to rethink While I sink, deeper into the weeks While I fall out out sync with my lord And board up all the doors, with nothing left to live for I feel like I'm caged inside my own mind I feel like the real me I will never find These people think they know but they don't realize The struggles that I'm facing make me wanna cry Lately I'm feeling bipolar but thing is I'm not diagnosed I know mental illnesses are in my family, genetically I was chose Which makes me worried and makes me concerned For my future children that will come Will they struggle the same way That I do where they're so confused and want to end their life Because they feel abused, just stop, no I can't handle the it I can't deal with all the stress I wanna quit And I admit I be struggling to get a grip while I slip deeper into the abyss While I fail to fix all of my problems, I fail to solve them I fail to cope and communicate all of this hatred toward those who oppose me Engrossing their negative energy I'm drawing from I feel like I'm caged inside my own mind I feel like the real me I will never find These people think they know but they don't realize The struggles that I'm facing make me wanna cry I feel like I'm caged inside my own mind I feel like the real me I will never find These people think they know but they don't realize The struggles that I'm facing make me wanna die Dear God this is my prayer I hope that gets answered real soon Forgive me for all of the things that have caused a chasm between us two I don't mean to be rude, I don't mean to be crude Lord teach me to love just like you do Just rid me of all of this darkness From all of these negative thoughts that keep coming through I can't take it no more, right down to my core I feel weight that wasn't in there before My hearts torn, my spirits sore, this is not the person that I was before Forgive me plz for right now and for then Forgive me for the way that my life has been I pray this in your holy name, that remains still the same, my lord Jesus Amen