Song parody of
No Sex
by John T. Wurzer
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They told you back in high school
It's not safe to sleep around
Fidelity
Monogamy
Find a mate and settle down
This world is full of viruses psychosis and disease
You've got to have your partner tested
Before you drop down to your knees
When you find the love you've waited for
Promise to be true
A thousand times the love you give
Will come right back to you
They told you you'd share everything
And sign each others checks
But what they never told you is you won't be having sex
Not tonight
She's got a headache
Not tomorrow she's got a plan
Not this week she's got a visitor
And she's working on her tan
Not Monday you've got a meeting
Not Tuesday she's got school
Wednesday is your golf game
And Thursdays you shoot pool
She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class
Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass
So you gathered at the alter with your relatives and friends
For richer poorer better worse through measles and the bends
You linked your lives together with a pair of golden bands
Promised to be faithful as the preacher held your hands
You took a timeless honeymoon to a wild exotic place
Showering together wearing cotton silk and lace
Playing slots at the casino living high on lady luck
Never knowing it was the last time that you'd find the time to
Share quality intimacy
Not tonight
She's got a headache
Not tomorrow she's got a plan
Not this week she's got a visitor
And she's working on her tan
Not Monday you've got a meeting
Not Tuesday she's got school
Wednesday is your golf game
And Thursdays you shoot pool
She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class
Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass
Now you're living in suburbia and working in the yard
Two cars in the driveway
Life has never been less hard
You've got power tools and projects Microsoft Office and the net
It's enough to make you satisfied but still you can't forget
The way it felt to hold her when you couldn't pay the bills
When her smile could light the evening and take away your chills
And you'd trade a thousand paychecks for a glimpse of yesterday
When you and this same woman were constantly rolling in the hay
Not tonight
She's got a headache
Not tomorrow she's got a plan
Not this week she's got a visitor
And she's working on her tan
Not Monday you've got a meeting
Not Tuesday she's got school
Wednesday is your golf game
And Thursdays you shoot pool
She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class
Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass
Now you're lying on the couches watching sitcoms on tv
A place you never thought you'd ever land or want to be
She's reading Elle and Cosmo while you're snoring like a mule
It's enough to make you wonder if way back there in high school
Did they know what they were saying did they even have a clue
That life could get so comfortable that you'd lose the urge to screw
As she's taking off her makeup and drifting off to sleep
You wonder where the passion went that used to run so deep
Not tonight
She's got a headache
Not tomorrow she's got a plan
Not this week she's got a visitor
And she's working on her tan
Not Monday you've got a meeting
Not Tuesday she's got school
Wednesday is your golf game
And Thursdays you shoot pool
She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class
Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass
They told you back in high school
It's not safe to sleep around
Fidelity
Monogamy
Find a mate and settle down
This world is full of viruses psychosis and disease
You've got to have your partner tested
Before you drop down to your knees
When you find the love you've waited for
Promise to be true
A thousand times the love you give
Will come right back to you
They told you you'd share everything
And sign each others checks
But what they never told you is you won't be having sex
Not tonight
She's got a headache
Not tomorrow she's got a plan
Not this week she's got a visitor
And she's working on her tan
Not Monday you've got a meeting
Not Tuesday she's got school
Wednesday is your golf game
And Thursdays you shoot pool
She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class
Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass
So you gathered at the alter with your relatives and friends
For richer poorer better worse through measles and the bends
You linked your lives together with a pair of golden bands
Promised to be faithful as the preacher held your hands
You took a timeless honeymoon to a wild exotic place
Showering together wearing cotton silk and lace
Playing slots at the casino living high on lady luck
Never knowing it was the last time that you'd find the time to
Share quality intimacy
Not tonight
She's got a headache
Not tomorrow she's got a plan
Not this week she's got a visitor
And she's working on her tan
Not Monday you've got a meeting
Not Tuesday she's got school
Wednesday is your golf game
And Thursdays you shoot pool
She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class
Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass
Now you're living in suburbia and working in the yard
Two cars in the driveway
Life has never been less hard
You've got power tools and projects Microsoft Office and the net
It's enough to make you satisfied but still you can't forget
The way it felt to hold her when you couldn't pay the bills
When her smile could light the evening and take away your chills
And you'd trade a thousand paychecks for a glimpse of yesterday
When you and this same woman were constantly rolling in the hay
Not tonight
She's got a headache
Not tomorrow she's got a plan
Not this week she's got a visitor
And she's working on her tan
Not Monday you've got a meeting
Not Tuesday she's got school
Wednesday is your golf game
And Thursdays you shoot pool
She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class
Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass
Now you're lying on the couches watching sitcoms on tv
A place you never thought you'd ever land or want to be
She's reading Elle and Cosmo while you're snoring like a mule
It's enough to make you wonder if way back there in high school
Did they know what they were saying did they even have a clue
That life could get so comfortable that you'd lose the urge to screw
As she's taking off her makeup and drifting off to sleep
You wonder where the passion went that used to run so deep
Not tonight
She's got a headache
Not tomorrow she's got a plan
Not this week she's got a visitor
And she's working on her tan
Not Monday you've got a meeting
Not Tuesday she's got school
Wednesday is your golf game
And Thursdays you shoot pool
She's headed out of town this weekend to take another class
Ever since you've gotten married you can't seem to get a piece of ass
