Paddy's Night Out

Was a wet day in London Me fortunes were crumblin' I was on me way back from the building The job and the foreman that day He saw nothing my way And the lorry ran over the sandals, begob I was hungry and thirsty and felt a bit down I went in for a little libation I'd five pints of porter Three Jimmies for starters Two pork pies and what Some cabbage and bacon Though the day, it was dreary Now I felt a bit cheery In no time I was ready for action, begob And I played the old jukebox Pulled up the old blue socks - And winked at this young woman beside me Begob wouldn't it be, it would happen to me She winked back and she sat down beside me I told her me name and she told me the same Says I to her, "What?" "Then what are ya drinkin'?" "Come here Me old flower" I said then to her "It's the truth, I'm known as a liar" "Come here, me old flower I've seen ya before!" "Give the woman in the Bed there more porter" She'd a gin and a tonic And I felt supersonic For her figure was maybe the devil, begob With curves in right places Through satins and laces That would tempt an old Bishop though celibate, begob Me luck might be in and tonight I might sin Though last week I was just at confession But who gives a damn Sure would do me no harm to have me a bit A bit of diversion Well, I was playing it cool As I do as a rule When the barman was calling for time now Begob and she said with her sweet face She'll come back to my place Was then that I knew she was mine now, begob Her place it was lush, with carpets so plush She took off me ol' cap then the wellies Without any delay she wore a sweet negligé Like the girls wear on what (On what?) On page three or telly "Come here, me old flower" I said then to her "It's the truth, I'm known as a liar" "Come here, me old flower I've seen ya before!" "Give the woman in the Bed there more porter" I don't mean to be crude but I stood in the nude With this goddess, this beautiful Venus Begob she ruffled me duffle We kissed and we shuffled What a sight if me ma only seen us, begob I was feeling quite grand with The business at hand When this photo I saw on the dresser Was herself and this man, oh With dirty big hands for her husband was who (Was who?) was Wild Bill the wrestler Although she was charming I felt this alarming he was mean as a hairy Gorilla, begob! "If he caught me in bed With his woman", I said "He'd kill me for sure I can tell ya Begob" she said, now Don't worry for he'd never hurry Don't seen him at all, he's a messer The door opened that night and I got such a fright in the doorway was who (Was who?) was Wild Bill the wrestler "Come here Me old flower" I said then to her "It's the truth, I'm known as a liar" "Come here, me old flower I've seen ya before!" "Give the woman in the Bed there more porter" With rage he was steamin' His eyes they were gleamin' Like a wild bull, he charged over to me Begob but I ducked his wild pass Kicked him in the ass And ran like a hare for the doorway, begob! I'd have gotten away without any delay But I tripped and fell over the carpet When I tried to get up Well this dirty big pup Grabbed me by the what (The what?) By the leg and he pulled it "Come here, me old flower" I said then to her "It's the truth, I'm known as a liar" Don't believe this old yarn Don't believe this old rhyme For I'm pulling your leg Like he's pulling mine Tooraloo, tooralay With your toorali oorali ay