The Illinois Enema Bandit

And now folks it's time for Don Pardo To deliver Our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type Announcement take it away, don! "This is a true story about A famous criminal from right Around Chicago this is the Story of Michael Kenyon A man who's serving time at this very Moment for the crime of armed robbery It so happens that, at the Time of these robberies Michael decided to give his female victims a Little enema apparently There was no law against that But his name lives on: Michael Kenyon The illinois enema bandit!" The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard he's on the loose I heard he's on the loose Lord, the pitiful screams Of all them college-educated women Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up They'd be all bound down! Just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard it on the news I heard it on the news Bloomington Illinoishe has caused some alarm Just sneakin' around there from farm to farm Got a rubberized bag and a hose on his arm Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump The Illinois Enema Bandit One day he'll have to pay One day he'll have to pay The police will say, "You're under arrest!" And the judge would have him For a special guest The DA will order a secret test And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in The side of his vest Then they'll put out a call For the jury folks (That's you over there) And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!" Then they'll drag in the bandit For all to see Sayin' "Don't nobody have no sympathy HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!" And then the bandit might say "Why is everybody looking' at me?" Well did you cause this misery? Well did you cause this kinda misery? Well did you cause this misery? Now, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!" Bandit are you guilty? Bandit are you guilty? tell me now, what's YOUR PLEA? Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!" Are you guilty? bandit Did you do these deeds? (C'mon now) He said, "It must be just what they all need" "It must be just what they all need" (That's right) "It must be just what they all need" "It must be just what they all need" "It must be just what they all need" (That's right) "It must be just what they all need" (Don't you know?) etc repeat He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em Up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be hey! Talkin' bout the Illinois Illinois ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana ha! Ain't talkin' 'bout Po head-otated ha! (I'll try again) potato Headed Bobby Talkin' 'bout the Illinois Enema Bandit Yeah yeah- yeah! Wait a minute, this is for Roy Estrada Wherever he is Wanna-wanna-wannan-enema an enema Wanna-wanna-wannan-enema an enema I wanna-wanna-wannan-enema eh take it away! The Illinois Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit) The Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit) The Enema Bandit Talkin' bout the Illinois Enema Bandit (it can't happen here) juice! Awright-awright! Ray White, the assistant Illinois Enema Bandit, live On stage here in New York! That's it Sit right down and Make yourselves comfortable