Deva

It's been 9 years since the day I thought would never come Took me by surprise and then completely shocked everyone You battled on your own but I know you wished that help will come Know you fought your hardest but I'm so mad that the devil won When my mother called me I knew one family member died You didn't cross my mind because there was no way you weren't alive I found out it was you, I burst into tears, started to cry I couldn't believe it 'cause in my eyes you could never die At that time I was going through some shit I was 15 years old, yeah I was just a kid I fell out with my mam, I went to your house to live I was trying to stay calm, but my mam I can't forgive She was singling me out at home, I didn't like it I was ringing you on my phone, I couldn't fight it I couldn't fight it alone, with me you sided So then you fell out with my mam while she denied it So then you took me in and cared for me Even with your own two kids you were there for me Living in a house nobody was attacking me in And I had peace in my mind, I was happy again But then my mother called, said she wanted me home Said she wanted to talk, so you hand me the phone She was trying to be nice, I said my answers no Thought you were on my side, but you said I should go It was at that moment I felt I was on my own You the only one there for me but now I felt alone I felt like you turned your back on me, I started to pack You said that if I'm not happy at home, I'm still welcome back So then I went home but the problems were still there And not one thing even changed, I was sad, it wasn't fair Months had passed, on a Wednesday I met you in town You were heading out with my uncles, you said I should come down I told you that I wouldn't be allowed She didn't want me to see you and the reason was because you two fell out You told me I that I should get the bus out and stay the night But I knew that if I asked my mother, it would cause a fight Wanted to see you, I couldn't ask cause I was nervous Spent the next few days just building up the courage I was eating dinner with my family that Sunday Finally asked if it was okay to see you some day Her response was a no, my reply was a why Then we went back and forth until it was a fight I said you were my family I'll see you if I want But she wasn't having none of it so I said k we're done Then Sunday came around, over one week since I saw you I didn't expect to get news that I would ball to My mother brought me home, sat me down, I was stressed Then she said to me that Deva was found dead My head fell in my hands, then I filled my hands with tears Believe me when I say I cried, 'cause I cried for 5 years You were the closest person to me, I miss you a lot Memories and pictures of you now that's all I got Bet you never thought that I would feel your pain Never thought that 4 years later I would almost do the same But the thing is nothing changed, and I'm still feeling this way 'Cause some days I'm feeling great but then some days I feel insane Like I'll dive inside a grave, meet you at the pearly gates Then I find reasons to stay, so my life I try to save Stop and think, I'm like wait, does this all show that I'm brave 'Cause my life just keeps on flowing so I'll keep riding the wave You were stronger than I am, imma say this, probably shouldn't But I still really don't know how I got through it and you couldn't This might sound bad but that's not how it's propelled But I'm proud that I got through it and I know you're proud as well Every time I think of you, it feels like I'm impaled Feels like I'm a paying the price by being stabbed with nails I try to keep my mind off of it, but to no avail Because I think that I could've saved you, so that means I failed You'll live on forever, I know that's a fact And one day we'll meet again, wherever you're at I'll tell everyone about you, all the memories I've gotten What I'm saying is you'll never be forgotten