A Miracle Would Happen/When You Come Home to Me

Everyone tells you that the minute you get married Every other woman in the world Suddenly finds you attractive Well, that's not true It only affects the kind of women You always wanted to sleep with But they wouldn't give you the time of day before And now they're banging down your door And falling to their knees At least that's what it feels like because you Can not touch them In fact, you can't even look at them Close your eyes, close your eyes, close your eyes Except you're sitting there Eating your corned beef sandwich And all of a sudden, this pair of breasts walks by And smiles at you And you're like "That's not fair!" And in a perfect world A miracle would happen And every other girl would fly away And it'd be me and Cathy And nothing else would matter But it's fine, it's fine, it's fine I mean, I'm happy And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine It's not a problem It's just a challenge It's a challenge to resist Temptation And I have to say that What exacerbates the problem Is I'm at these parties I'm the center of attention I'm the grand fromage And here she comes: "Let's get a cup of coffee Will you look at my manuscript?" And I'm showing her my left hand I'm gesticulating with my left hand And then whoomp! There's Cathy! 'Cause she knows (They always know) And there's that really awkward moment Where I try to show I wasn't encouraging this (Though of course I sort of was) And I don't want to look whipped in front of this woman Which is dumb - I shouldn't care what she thinks Since I can't fuck her anyway! And in a perfect world A miracle would happen And every girl would look like Mister Ed And it'd be me and Cathy And nothing else would matter But it's fine, it's fine, it's fine You know I love her And it's fine, it's fine, it's fine It's what I wanted And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine! It's not a problem It's just a challenge It's a challenge to resist Temptation When you come home to me I'll wear a sweeter smile And hope that, for a while, you'll stay When you come home to me Your hand will touch my face And banish any trace of gray Soon, a love will rise anew Even greater than the joy I felt Just missing you And once again, I'll be So proud to call you "mine" When you finally come home To me I'll be there soon, Cathy I'll finish up this chapter and be out the door I swear I'll be there soon, Cathy Don't give up on me yet I am so proud of you, baby You're doing what you never got to do before And I will be there, ripe and crawling If fucking Random House stops calling Don't lose faith Don't get down Don't despair I'll be there And in a perfect world A miracle would happen And that day would finally be here And it'd be me and you Riding it together And the things we do Goin' like we planned We're gonna make it through And nothing else will matter We'll be fine, we're fine We're fine, we're fine, we're fine I'll be there soon, Cathy I swear I will