Song parody of
Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
by Josh Groban
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Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, please?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
Wot ought not to be there?
Well, ladies and gentlemen
From now on you can waken at ease
You need never again have a worry or care
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare
Gentlemen, you are about to see something
That rose from the dead!
On the top of my head
Scarcely a month ago, gentlemen
I was struck with a horrible
Dermatologic disease
Though the finest physicians in London were called
I awakened one morning amazed and appalled
To discover with dread that my 'ead was as bald
As a novice's knees
I was dying of shame
'Til a gentleman came
An illustrious barber, Pirelli by name
He give me a liquid as precious as gold
I rubbed it in daily like wot I was told
And behold!
Only thirty days old!
'Twas Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
That's wot did the trick, sir
True, sir, true
Was it quick, sir?
Did it in a tick, sir
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!
How about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed
Penny buys a bottle, I don't know
Go ahead and tug, sir
You don't need
Go ahead, sir, harder
Ah, let's go!
Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir
'Tis unique
Rub a minute
Stimulating, i'nn'it?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week!
Penny buys a bottle, guaranteed!
Penny buys a bottle, might as well
How about a sample?
Wotcher think?
Go ahead and try it, wot the hell
Have you ever smelled a cleaner smell?
Isn't it a crime they let these urchins clog the pavement?
Penny buys a bottle, does it?
That's enough, sir, ample
Gently dab it
Gets to be a habit
Soon there'll be enough, sir
Somebody can grab it
See this chap with
Hair like Shelley's?
You can tell he's
Used Pirelli's
Let me have a bottle
Make that two
Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench?
Are we standing near an open trench?
Then again I could get some for Harry
How about a beer?
Nothing works on Harry, dear
Bye, bye
You know a pub?
I'm just passing by
There's one close by
Pass it by
Buy Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
Anything wot's slick, sir
Soon sprouts curls
Try Pirelli's
When they see how thick, sir
You can have your pick, sir
Of the girls
Want to buy a bottle, missus?
What is this?
Propagates the hair, sir
What is this?
I'll take one!
Penny for a bottle...
Smells like piss
What was that?
Have you ever smelled a cleaner smell?
Smells like-phew!
He says it smells like piss
Says it smells like piss or something
Looks like piss
Wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear!
How about a sample?
Wotcher think?
This is piss. Piss with ink
How about a sample, mister?
Let me smell that bottle
I don't want no ink piss!
What is this?
What does that smell like to you, sir?
Never mind that madman, mister
Gives back our money!
What does that smell like to you ma'am?
Give 'em back their money!
Never mind the madman
Where is this Pirelli?
Yeah, where is this Pirelli?
Let Pirelli's
Activate your roots, sir
Keep it off your boots, sir
Eats right through
Go and get Pirelli!
Yes, get Pirelli's!
Use a bottle of it
Ladies seem to love it
Flies do, too!
Hand the bloody money over!
Hand the bloody money over!
See Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
Grow a little wick, sir
Then some fuzz
The Pirelli's
Soon'll make it thick, sir
Like a good elixir
Always does!
Trust Pirelli's
If your hair is sick, sir
Fix it in the nick, sir
Don't look grim
Just Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
That'll do the trick, sir
What about the money?
If you've got a kick, sir
What about the money?
Where is this Pirelli?
Go and get Pirelli!
What about our money?
Tell it to the mixer
Of the Miracle Elixir
If you've got a kick, sir!
Go and get Pirelli!
What about it?
Where is this Pirelli?
Talk to him!
Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, please?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
Wot ought not to be there?
Well, ladies and gentlemen
From now on you can waken at ease
You need never again have a worry or care
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare
Gentlemen, you are about to see something
That rose from the dead!
On the top of my head
Scarcely a month ago, gentlemen
I was struck with a horrible
Dermatologic disease
Though the finest physicians in London were called
I awakened one morning amazed and appalled
To discover with dread that my 'ead was as bald
As a novice's knees
I was dying of shame
'Til a gentleman came
An illustrious barber, Pirelli by name
He give me a liquid as precious as gold
I rubbed it in daily like wot I was told
And behold!
Only thirty days old!
'Twas Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
That's wot did the trick, sir
True, sir, true
Was it quick, sir?
Did it in a tick, sir
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!
How about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed
Penny buys a bottle, I don't know
Go ahead and tug, sir
You don't need
Go ahead, sir, harder
Ah, let's go!
Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir
'Tis unique
Rub a minute
Stimulating, i'nn'it?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week!
Penny buys a bottle, guaranteed!
Penny buys a bottle, might as well
How about a sample?
Wotcher think?
Go ahead and try it, wot the hell
Have you ever smelled a cleaner smell?
Isn't it a crime they let these urchins clog the pavement?
Penny buys a bottle, does it?
That's enough, sir, ample
Gently dab it
Gets to be a habit
Soon there'll be enough, sir
Somebody can grab it
See this chap with
Hair like Shelley's?
You can tell he's
Used Pirelli's
Let me have a bottle
Make that two
Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench?
Are we standing near an open trench?
Then again I could get some for Harry
How about a beer?
Nothing works on Harry, dear
Bye, bye
You know a pub?
I'm just passing by
There's one close by
Pass it by
Buy Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
Anything wot's slick, sir
Soon sprouts curls
Try Pirelli's
When they see how thick, sir
You can have your pick, sir
Of the girls
Want to buy a bottle, missus?
What is this?
Propagates the hair, sir
What is this?
I'll take one!
Penny for a bottle...
Smells like piss
What was that?
Have you ever smelled a cleaner smell?
Smells like-phew!
He says it smells like piss
Says it smells like piss or something
Looks like piss
Wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear!
How about a sample?
Wotcher think?
This is piss. Piss with ink
How about a sample, mister?
Let me smell that bottle
I don't want no ink piss!
What is this?
What does that smell like to you, sir?
Never mind that madman, mister
Gives back our money!
What does that smell like to you ma'am?
Give 'em back their money!
Never mind the madman
Where is this Pirelli?
Yeah, where is this Pirelli?
Let Pirelli's
Activate your roots, sir
Keep it off your boots, sir
Eats right through
Go and get Pirelli!
Yes, get Pirelli's!
Use a bottle of it
Ladies seem to love it
Flies do, too!
Hand the bloody money over!
Hand the bloody money over!
See Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
Grow a little wick, sir
Then some fuzz
The Pirelli's
Soon'll make it thick, sir
Like a good elixir
Always does!
Trust Pirelli's
If your hair is sick, sir
Fix it in the nick, sir
Don't look grim
Just Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
That'll do the trick, sir
What about the money?
If you've got a kick, sir
What about the money?
Where is this Pirelli?
Go and get Pirelli!
What about our money?
Tell it to the mixer
Of the Miracle Elixir
If you've got a kick, sir!
Go and get Pirelli!
What about it?
Where is this Pirelli?
Talk to him!