I Am Him

I first started this trip with no regard Felt the scars form, but didn't acknowledge the harm How many times can a broke man bet the farm Before his luck runs up, no hope left in the jar Better dead than a fraud, lets be real with it Shit mixed up in my head, I cant deal with it Medicine be the meal ticket, dead but he still kicking Body lives, spirit shriveled up and real wicked Alone, the word a battery to me Perverse views, terse an savage on the beat But the hope gone, throw songs haphazard at the street Sit at home thinkin what is happening to me I'm not actually me, hidden be taking control The vision dims and I him, able and bold Unfavorable, what's the word? not a damn thing Rather sew my mouth shut than keep on rambling Lookin to the sky like I dare god to strike me Middle of the storm not scared of all the lightning It's frightening how little fucks i can give When the realization hits, still stuck in the abyss No reflection in the mirror couldn't see what i became Once again, it's all the same, strife, struggle and strain Couldn't deal with all the shame, wish i could flush it down the drain Gone insane, thrown aside, reminder Hidden is the name Back with the insanity, literal definition Five years same position, head buried in repetition Pushing the same vision, foolish, stupid, had to switch it Full reset, drive wiped, replace the bad ignition Replays and bad division, missing the math Extraordinary loss, walk away, ditch the past Get in the back or get the fuck on, no love song Only pushing what I want from here on, bitch I'm moving up, moving on, different avenues See all this time I was never here, only passing through I tell myself by day, and then he takes the lead Puts the train back on the tracks, rolls straight over me Track after track after track just to see what sticks Some success flutters, still feel (like) a piece of shit Something missing, need something different A new edition, mulling through the decisions Lookin to the sky like I dare god to strike me Middle of the storm not scared of all the lightning It's frightening how little fucks i can give When the realization hits, still stuck in the abyss No reflection in the mirror couldn't see what i became Once again, it's all the same, strife, struggle and strain Couldn't deal with all the shame, wish i could flush it down the drain Gone insane, thrown aside, reminder hidden is the name Hidden is the name Hidden is the name Hidden is the name Hidden is the name Hidden is the name Hidden is the name Hidden is the name Hidden is the name Hidden is the name Hidden is the name