Song parody of
Daniel Cowman
by Regina Spektor
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On the day that Daniel Cowman stopped existing
The world should've ended right then and there
At precisely four-fifteen when he stopped existing
The world should've ended--how could it go on?
How could it go on when I don't exist? I don't exist...
and now that we got that straight, doesn't mean that I can fly
Doesn't mean that I can go do whatever I want
Now that we got that clear, and you know that I'm not here
Doesn't mean that I can go do whatever I please
the premature ejaculation of his death sentence
Hit Daniel in the face like a big round spitball
And everything got hazy in the courtroom
And then he stood up and then he sat back down
Another two times in a row
And everything got real slow like a gunshot in the movies
And he remembered heroin boy walking through the door
Bouncing off the walls and the floor
Taking off his belt, taking off his pants
Filling up the bathtub, getting ready to go in for a swim
Singing, I don't exist...
and he start remembering...
The heroin boy'd walk through the door
And he was screaming and everybody was, like,
What're you screaming as if it's the end of the world?
And he was, like, well it is
And I was sitting in the corner with my pants down
And I was sure someone next door was blowing up balloons
And they was red and orange
And there was this one lady at the bar and she was trying to buy gin
And this other lady at the bar and she was trying to sell gin
And it worked out good for the boths of them
And heroin boy started taking off his belt
Started taking off his pants, started taking off his shoes
Filling up the bathtub, getting ready to go in for a swim
I says, no--you're gonna drown
And he says, no--I can't drown
Simply because...shhhh...
A man destined to hang can never drown
A man destined to drown can never burn
A man destined to fry can never, ever, ever
Die in any other way
Frying--lucky that I'm dying by hanging and not drowning
so now that we got that straight, can't I just be left alone?
I want to take a fucking bath
On the day that Daniel Cowman stopped existing
The world should've ended right then and there
At precisely four-fifteen when he stopped existing
The world should've ended--how could it go on?
How could it go on when I don't exist? I don't exist...
and now that we got that straight, doesn't mean that I can fly
Doesn't mean that I can go do whatever I want
Now that we got that clear, and you know that I'm not here
Doesn't mean that I can go do whatever I please
the premature ejaculation of his death sentence
Hit Daniel in the face like a big round spitball
And everything got hazy in the courtroom
And then he stood up and then he sat back down
Another two times in a row
And everything got real slow like a gunshot in the movies
And he remembered heroin boy walking through the door
Bouncing off the walls and the floor
Taking off his belt, taking off his pants
Filling up the bathtub, getting ready to go in for a swim
Singing, I don't exist...
and he start remembering...
The heroin boy'd walk through the door
And he was screaming and everybody was, like,
What're you screaming as if it's the end of the world?
And he was, like, well it is
And I was sitting in the corner with my pants down
And I was sure someone next door was blowing up balloons
And they was red and orange
And there was this one lady at the bar and she was trying to buy gin
And this other lady at the bar and she was trying to sell gin
And it worked out good for the boths of them
And heroin boy started taking off his belt
Started taking off his pants, started taking off his shoes
Filling up the bathtub, getting ready to go in for a swim
I says, no--you're gonna drown
And he says, no--I can't drown
Simply because...shhhh...
A man destined to hang can never drown
A man destined to drown can never burn
A man destined to fry can never, ever, ever
Die in any other way
Frying--lucky that I'm dying by hanging and not drowning
so now that we got that straight, can't I just be left alone?
I want to take a fucking bath
