Song parody of
Corporate Hell (The Legend of Tooly McDouche)
by Paul Maged
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5am on a cold Monday
Get out of bed piss, shit and shave
Gab my coffee throwing out the trash
Squeeze on the train with all the other rats
Buy my egg sandwich with extra cheese
I'm getting fat from this anxiety
At my cubicle at half past 6
Some fake hellos and goodbyes
Rinse repeat
So fuckin cold
Rinse repeat
I'm getting old
Welcome to corporate hell
It's cooking me fast and it's killing me slow
Welcome to corporate hell
Your bottom line is detonating my soul
Gonna cash in my chips gonna take back control
Welcome to corporate hell
You can't escape corporate hell
Boss knocks me over in the corridor
Never says hello like I'm a foreigner
He's a fuckin tool we call him Tooly Mcdouche
Sits on his throne and dreams of who he can screw
He hires puppets who will kiss his ass
His zombie yes man from Goldman shacks
Doesn’t roll up his sleeves or show leadership
He's on his fuck you power trip
Rinse repeat
Another day
Rinse repeat
Wasting away
Welcome to corporate hell
It's cooking me fast and it's killing me slow
Welcome to corporate hell
Your bottom line is detonating my soul
Office politics are getting out of control
Welcome to corporate hell
You can't escape corporate hell
Mr. McDouche on line 2 for you sir
Thanks Crystal, put him through
Don't think about leaving
We'll lower your pay
Cut your dental
Take away your sick days
I'll give u a project
Keep you working late nights
I'll move your desk
So you're next to the loud guy (crazy laugh)
He doesn't shut the fuck up
Personal calls all day
He doesn't shut the fuck
I have my dreams and my fantasies
They're getting crushed in this reality
Gotta dig real deep I'll survive somehow
I need my freedom from these corporate clowns
Leaving work at a quarter to nine
Need to get home and chug a bottle of wine
As the legend of Tooly McDouche always says
At the end of the day it is what it is
Welcome to corporate hell
It's cooking me fast and it's killing me slow
Welcome to corporate hell
Your bottom line is detonating my soul
Gotta cash in my chips gotta take back control
Welcome to corporate hell
You can't escape corporate hell
You know you can't leave it
They know that you need it
They've got you by the figurative balls
Welcome to corporate hell
You can't escape corporate hell
Work zombies
This commute's killing me
My coworker fucking stinks
You think facilities could clean the damn Keurig machine?
I need a mental health day
They read every email
Big brothers watching
Fuck you, Johnson, fuck you
5am on a cold Monday
Get out of bed piss, shit and shave
Gab my coffee throwing out the trash
Squeeze on the train with all the other rats
Buy my egg sandwich with extra cheese
I'm getting fat from this anxiety
At my cubicle at half past 6
Some fake hellos and goodbyes
Rinse repeat
So fuckin cold
Rinse repeat
I'm getting old
Welcome to corporate hell
It's cooking me fast and it's killing me slow
Welcome to corporate hell
Your bottom line is detonating my soul
Gonna cash in my chips gonna take back control
Welcome to corporate hell
You can't escape corporate hell
Boss knocks me over in the corridor
Never says hello like I'm a foreigner
He's a fuckin tool we call him Tooly Mcdouche
Sits on his throne and dreams of who he can screw
He hires puppets who will kiss his ass
His zombie yes man from Goldman shacks
Doesn’t roll up his sleeves or show leadership
He's on his fuck you power trip
Rinse repeat
Another day
Rinse repeat
Wasting away
Welcome to corporate hell
It's cooking me fast and it's killing me slow
Welcome to corporate hell
Your bottom line is detonating my soul
Office politics are getting out of control
Welcome to corporate hell
You can't escape corporate hell
Mr. McDouche on line 2 for you sir
Thanks Crystal, put him through
Don't think about leaving
We'll lower your pay
Cut your dental
Take away your sick days
I'll give u a project
Keep you working late nights
I'll move your desk
So you're next to the loud guy (crazy laugh)
He doesn't shut the fuck up
Personal calls all day
He doesn't shut the fuck
I have my dreams and my fantasies
They're getting crushed in this reality
Gotta dig real deep I'll survive somehow
I need my freedom from these corporate clowns
Leaving work at a quarter to nine
Need to get home and chug a bottle of wine
As the legend of Tooly McDouche always says
At the end of the day it is what it is
Welcome to corporate hell
It's cooking me fast and it's killing me slow
Welcome to corporate hell
Your bottom line is detonating my soul
Gotta cash in my chips gotta take back control
Welcome to corporate hell
You can't escape corporate hell
You know you can't leave it
They know that you need it
They've got you by the figurative balls
Welcome to corporate hell
You can't escape corporate hell
Work zombies
This commute's killing me
My coworker fucking stinks
You think facilities could clean the damn Keurig machine?
I need a mental health day
They read every email
Big brothers watching
Fuck you, Johnson, fuck you
