Schadenfreude

GARY COLEMAN Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy NICKY I'll say. GARY COLEMAN And when I see how sad you are it sort of makes me... happy! NICKY Happy?! GARY COLEMAN Sorry, Nicky, human nature -- nothing I can do! It's... schadenfreude! Making me feel glad that I'm not you! (spoken) NICKY Well that's not very nice, Gary! GARY COLEMAN I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it! (sung) D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses? NICKY Yeah... GARY COLEMAN And it ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling down on their asses? NICKY Sure! GARY COLEMAN And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy, watching people out in the rain! NICKY You bet! GARY COLEMAN That's... GARY AND NICKY Schadenfreude! GARY COLEMAN People taking pleasure in your pain! (spoken) NICKY Oh, schadenfreude, huh? What's that, some kinda Nazi word? GARY COLEMAN Yup! It's German for "happiness at the misfortune of others!" NICKY "Happiness at the misfortune of others." That IS German! (sung) Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken GARY COLEMAN Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in! NICKY Being on an elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!" GARY AND NICKY "NO!" Schadenfreude! GARY COLEMAN "Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!" NICKY Oooh, how about... Straight-A students getting Bs? GARY COLEMAN Exes getting STDs! NICKY Waking doormen from their naps! GARY COLEMAN Watching tourists reading maps! NICKY Football players getting tackled! GARY COLEMAN CEOs getting shackled! NICKY Watching actors never reach GARY AND NICKY The ending of their Oscar speech! Schadenfreude! Schadenfreude! Schadenfreude! Schadenfreude! GARY COLEMAN The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate. 'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us, and that makes them feel great. NICKY Sure! We provide a vital service to society! GARY AND NICKY You and me! Schadenfreude! Making the world a better place... Making the world a better place... Making the world a better place... to be! GARY COLEMAN S-see-H-A-D-E-N-F-are-E-you-D-E!