How to Get Your Band on Television

Product sells, people die Same manipulation wrapped in lies Give a little money and play your rock and roll The biggest prizes to the biggest fools Good evening ladies and gentlemen Welcome to the show where you the audience participate On our show tonight we got lots of surprises in store for you at home In keeping with the fashion for charity, not change Here's out contribution--we've called it Slag Aid For every pop star that we slag off today A million pounds will be given away Paul McCartney - come on down With crocodile tears to irrigate this ground Make of Ethiopia a fertile paradise Where everyone sings Beatles songs and buys shares in EMI Charity, starvation, and rock and roll Let it be, eh Paulie? Freddie Mercury, this is your life Thank the Lord that you were born white And thank apartheid for this wonderful opportunity To peddle your hypocrisy in Sun City A bit of a hot potato in a moment, eh Fred, in South Africa? Well I'm sure there's a video in there somewhere David Bowie, the price is right A suitful of compassion and a gobful of shite Still the voices of those who doubt Coca-Cola for the peasants to end this drought David the world can only take so much And with you around, we're in for a really hard time Jagger and Richards, game for a laugh Dancing us down the garden path To a place where money grows on trees Where cocaine habits are financed by hunger and disease There's only one mountain in the rock and roll business Ladies and Gentlemen, and it's Mick Jagger Ask the puppet-masters who pull the strings Who makes the money when the puppets sing Ask the corporations where does the money go Ask the empty-bellied children what are we singing for And Cliff Richard, three, two, one The God who remains when the religion's gone Cliff, we've got a special surprise for you today So come up closer, step this way Cliff, you're such an example of moral worth Such a purist saint come to bless our earth That on behalf of our viewers watching on telly And on behalf of the millions with empty bellies We're donating something special that we're all going to like Cliff Richard, we're going to nail you up to a cross tonight Ladies and gentlemen, just imagine it, someone comes along, takes everything you own, your space, your house, separates you from your family and then hits you in the face if you say anything different. Well, that's what we've been doing to the third world for the past four hundred years. That's you and me. You the viewers at home, me in the studio, the pop stars, everyone. That's how we make the third world, every day, today and every day. If you want any correspondence With the program, just send your answers, letter bombs only, to BP House, Victoria Street, London, SW1 Thank you and good night Feed the world Starve the rich Goodnight I know there must be more I know there must be more Than giving just a little bit more When half of this world is so helplessly poor Starved of the real solution Charity and tradition And the cycle of hungry children Will keep on going 'round I know there must be more Will keep on going 'round I know there must be more Will keep on going 'round I know there must be more 'Till we burn the house of commons to the ground