International Jet Set

Good evening ladies and gentlemen This is your captain speaking Welcome aboard DC-10 flight number 1313 We will be cruising at a height of twenty five thousand feet at an air speed of sixty hundred miles per hour Headphones will be provided by request for a varied program of in flight music Have a good flight Safety belts and sickness bags, jet lag downer pills Duty free booze and fags make me feel ill A vapor trail from A to B, away from normal sanity It all seems so absurd to me I've seen the carpets on the walls of hotels rooms around the world I never want to hear the screams of the teenage girls in other peoples dreams Spread the disease, from the south China sea To the beach hotel Malibu Phone my girlfriend to ask her "How's her weekend?" I say "Hi, Terry here", and she says "Terry who, the hell are you?" The businessmen are having fun are they on a different plane to me I've lost touch with reality, they all seem so absurd to me Like well dressed chimpanzees Spend and spend and spend and spend Will the muzak never end? Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking Due to expected engine failures we will be forced to attempt an emergency landing Please remain seated, extinguish all cigarettes, and fasten safety belts Follow the emergency procedures laid out in the pamphlet located in front of your seats For normal breathing, oxygen masks will be released from the compartment above your head Please remain calm and follow the instructions of your stewardess at all times This is a recording