Ash Wednesday

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Pr¥nce Ace

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Syndicate, Syndicate


Around the time I was hungry,
They told me go to bed
Around the time I got a gun pointed right at my head
Around the time, I said some shit that I shouldn't have said,
Around the time that my best friend ended up dead
Around the time I asked God,
"F*ck did I do to you!?"
To lose my best friend, 
My girlfriend
And my sanity too
My dude, got hit by some dude
That went to a different school
Around the same time that my girl told me that her bro a fool
But she was so happy
That this nigga was coming home
Caught a case over some dude that wouldn't leave her mom alone
Bad enough she had to call that mother fucker pops
Or worse, that her pops is the man her brother shot
Or worse, she ain't know whether she is a virgin or not
Does it still count as your first time, when it's rape, or molestation?
Does it still count as a sin, if that's the nigga you hating?
You brother came home so pissed that I'm the man you dating
'cause I lived too many blocks in the wrong direction
He seen too many niggas get deaded at that intersection
Where you make a right, hang a left right before the gas station
You remember that one, that we all called a plantation?
'cause niggas out there looking for them white rocks
From niggas in white shirts
 Hid it in they white socks
"Cotton in the dirt"
Around the time, you was crying
You fade my spot, then park
'cause your mama was out there picking cotton in the dark...


...f*ck...


I remember even when you cried,
You were still beautiful,
Your big brother ain't want me to have shit to do with you
Around the time, my lies added up like roman numerals,
The Next time I seen your brother, was at this nigga funeral
You were so strong
Like you was only there for me
Because I started balling during your older brother's eulogy

You looked me in my eyes,
You told me that we was meant to be
But through all the lies and deceit, I swear I couldn't see

How could I look you in your eyes,
After what had happened?
Without admitting I knew the niggas, that did the clapping?
Without admitting, in the beginning I knew the end, 
Without admitting I knew your  brother killed my best friend
Without admitting, that I was asked to tag along,
Without admitting that's the reason I came to your home
And invited you to a place that I knew you ain't belong
'cause I knew for fact, he'd never let you go alone!

Without admitting the tears of joy, when they put one off in his dome
Without admitting I knew, your brother wouldn't make it home
Without admitting, I gave the green light for trigger man to send 'em
Without admitting, that a text from me, is the only reason, that you ain't up there with him,


Shit


....Finally worked up the courage to tell it to your face
Speeding to your place
Your granny let me in
On her way out
Hit the corner so fast I almost broke her vase
As she scream and shout
Said she woulda caught a case
And slammed the door
(Door slams)

You finally came home and zoomed past me
Into the bathroom, then you asked me
"F*ck are you doing here?"
I said, " I gotta confess, get this shit of my chest, it's my fault that your life is a mess"
You said, " sorry if I was rude, wasn't expecting to see you, I gotta confess too
But I'm not sure yet if it is true"
So I go on and on about crew
Spilling my guts
Put myself on the stand
Telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth 
I try to push the door open you slam it shut
Lock it, I twist the knob back and forth in my hand 
Begging you to let me in
"I'm Sorry for your brother! But understand that was my best friend!"
Go ahead and vent, cuss me out
Anything's better than silence
I pace back and forth 
I hear the carpet soaked
"Oh damn, another flood"
'til I look down and I see,
"Oh wait this shit is blood!"
I Break the door 
See you on the floor
All I see is red
While you laying dead
Wrists slit
"Oh shit!"
Start to cry and blame myself
Screaming "somebody fucking help!"
Oh shit what have I done
I turn to grab the phone so I can call 911
My heart is beating out my chest 

..wait...

....but Then I see it, on the counter...

"...the f*ck?"

....A positive pregnancy test...




......To this day I'm not even sure how much of my confession you heard....did you kill yourself because of me, your brother, the baby, all three?....shit, was that baby even mine?......I'd say, 'I'll tell you about it, when I see you again'... like Wiz Khalifa song, type shit....  but when it's my time to go, I'm not sure if me and you will be in the same place.....

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