2018

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thomas co.

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Sitting down to reflect from all the years I have felt this pain
My writing falls on the page in a mess of words
Like the aftermath of a hurricane
I feel like my life has fallen offbeat
And there is nothing left of me for you
The things I feel or better said the things I don't
They all seem to pile up and build me a throne
Every good memory we had together is now lost in vain
And These memories won't leave me alone
They pound on my skull like a deep migraine
They're Screaming to get out and they're screaming to be free
I'm sorry that i lead you on and made you want me to stay
No words seem to form to explain what i did to your heart that day

Something's wrong with the pen I used to write this story with
I feel like I keep writing but the words never appear on the page
As an artist I wanted you to break my heart
Then I could put you in a song
And others would feel sorry for me
I search for attention to distract me from the reality of what I feel
I know I need to be honest and real with you

I tell you this to bring you along on my journey
Not to make you feel bad for me
I may not of always of been right
But i turned you into my everything
I held you above everything else an idol I made for myself
I Let my world fall apart as I let go to learn for myself who I really was
I had to let go if I was ever going to learn to put God first
No human I've learned can satisfy like the love of Jesus Christ
As I learn to move on I learn how to love
I find joy in Christ and not in a relationship with a girl
As I grow up I learn to seek what I need
As I find the source of life and breath

I'm learning how to move on and I'm learning how to love
You can't find love when you can't be happy alone
Our imperfect lives cannot be made right with another human's life
Imperfection can't be perfected with another imperfect soul
We need the blood of Christ to show us what love really is and lead us to life

In 2018 I thought I lost the ability to love
But in hindsight
It taught me that I never had found what love really is

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
Love never fails.

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