What If/Answer Me
Origin Storey
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I hope this letter gets to you on time Do you still cry at night Or at random times Plan your own demise Looking at the moon in the trying times Willing to compromise Thinking of killing yourself before they take your life I apologize That's my pride Speaking I got a question Are we still in different rooms drinking champagne Knowing that we share pain Looking at the snow painted in bloodstains I might go blind but I can't look away I saw my past life contradict my age I just ask no one hit my line On my own is when I'm fine Locked in so I'm confined As my wrath and pride combine So my strength can realign I know love is in my design because I treat my worst demons so kind Intoxicated by the lunacy I call it moonshine Getting out of line in my storyline But that's just how I feel I'll cannonball in a minefield I didn't talk to the serpent I was drowned by an eel Car engine won't start this is so unreal I need to go to work to pay these bills I'm tryna stay ahead of the curve But spinning out of control I'm pissed that you got the nerve To you expect better from me When you hide the loophole I'd rather be gone Than being dead wrong Push me away But I'm asked to tag along I wasn't it Im forced in a place where I do not belong Nor do I fit Waiting for the option to Log off and quit You'd have to kill me I'd never admit That I commit conflict Bound to explode as I slowly tick Is my life an eternal interlude Or a second-long skit I don't know where I'd be without music Abuse this Tired of the muses That are only excuses To call back and keep refusing Then they might ask if I'm okay I don't wanna talk about it is what I say Then they get mad and throw it back in my face This is why I trust no one to embrace And they'll point their fingers at me saying I'm the one who got problems But they do the same things in silence Afraid of being made fun of Death is on the come up There is no time for fun From birth I was done Stories that are unsung Kept pushing until I didn't feel pain It may take a while but I'll get there one day I'm not fearless or brave My home is a cave The path the greats done paved Is hidden in their shadow unscathed Looking at photos of me as child Praying the lost boy can be found I'm a pathological procrastinator My pain is the worst flavor Haunted by dreams wide awake So you know I'll stay up I'm the water boy who grew out of his phases I don't give flowers I'll just send vases Can't get high off the loud Wasn't hitting when he did it by the ounce So now He smoked by the pound It got his head pounding Rerouted to the lost connection Restarted the router Out of time the clock tower Rip the power lines there's no power We blackout, in the dark a lot of you will cower Kendrick taught me my idols aren't my saviors Drake showed me all my worst behaviors I thank Cole for being someone I can relate to I'm my biggest fan and somehow my biggest hater Ready to meet my maker I'll write it all on this paper I'm not worried if I don't make it A difference is what wanna be making I asked myself this What if I never got Because I don't give Trying to redefine my hatred into power You salty but your expression seems sour My worst moments always screen capture Freed my compassion but who's your captor You'll see what I mean in the second chapter Judged simply by one's stature Wasn't at church but still saw the pastor Spoiled longevity cuz the beer ain't pasteurized I can't act oblivious and wise While the newborn expires Three days out the womb Can't do the surgery because she's barely baby Let alone a child The parents are restless and tired Until it was time They baby girl cease function Dressed in all black family function There's no riddle No conundrum Just death Waited 9 months just hold cold flesh Swerving out of control I'm totally wrecking it Visiting empty rooms of my dead relatives Anxiety attacks abusing these sedatives Being so nice showed me no benefits But I still refuse to breed malevolence Left me high and dry but for some reason I'm drenched Using money to buy them a sixth sense I'm stuck in a cycle and in a box The way things are cut The bloopers never got caught Satan whispering it's all for naught Respecting myself is a lesson yet to be taught I got a high work output lower my watts I went to the doctors They don't know what I got Just take shot after shot Until you can't feel your veins My brain shouldn't tell me my heart is where I should aim If I want stones to have a print of my name Turned what was mental And made it emotional I wonder if my feelings are influential Begging for someone to hold my heart gentle Sing me to sleep with a lullaby Trying to clarify my alibi Oh you can't be sad all you do is smile Let my battle cry magnify To people who lives parallel mine I saw my uncle once but that doesn't mean that I met him Funny the police still waiting for confessions Who will justify If I just defy The gravity of the situation I could never be a hater You act too brazen I was told if I ain't going to bust it then I shouldn't have it He saw it happen Man froze then his brain matter Paint the molasses Killer took the gun then drove right past him That refrained me from asking Why in the world would they close the casket I wonder if God regrets his son being crucified I wonder if my mistakes were worthwhile Was I really worth the sacrifice What am bringing to the table Other than the truth perceived as a fable Written a certain way to make it look fatal Clogged my sensors now everything's painful I'm stuck in the beta with cheat codes Go for what's mine down below Always looking down I call it Cee-Lo Tried to stay higher than a G note They say I'm riding waves but I'm not a sailor The suit is bluefish thanks to the tailor I have more questions excuse my manners How can I relax when there's room for failure I hear it constantly S-u-i-c-i-d-e I question my priority Always put someone before me Hardly enjoying Other people's company As they laugh with me But I'm not smiling R-e-s-p-e-c-t You don't deserve that from me Never trusted our chemistry My funeral may be revelry Cuz I'll be relieved Of the stressing Just, please Somebody answer me
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