Arrival

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Big Dookie & His Many Men

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"Was that you?"
Ahhhhhhh

Police, open the fucking door
Show me a warrant, bitch
Wait a sec, are you cooking up fire beats in there
That shit's illegal
Shit, shit, shit hide Leshiticus
Hey man, calm down, they don't got a warrant

Attention, all heathens this is a reading of Psalm 84
How lovely is your dwelling place, oh Lord of hosts
My soul longs, indeed it faints for the court of the Lord
My heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God
Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself
Where she may lay her young, at your altars, oh lord of hosts, my king and my God
Happy are those who live in your house, even singing your praise
Happy are those whose strength is in you
In whose heart are the highways to Zion
As they go through the valley of Baca "Baca"
They make it a place of springs
The early rain also covers it with pools
Pools of shit

A reading from Leshiticus volume one
Chapter one
Stage one is the most important of the stages as it can alert you to an imminent catastrophic event
It can usually be defined as a disturbance in the force
Chapter two
Stage two is an eye-widening experience
As your digestive system engages in a life-or-death battle in which most people lose and enter stage three
This is also the stage in which profuse sweating occurs
Chapter three
Stage three starts out slow but quickly becomes a race against time
As most people will attempt to find the nearest restroom by speedwalking or running
But that is only for the courageous ones
As a titanic ass clench will have to be held for an extended period
Unfortunately for those unlucky few who may not make it back to their humble abode
May God have mercy on their souls as a bush will have to suffice
Chapter four
Stage four is either a truth or a lie
As your stomach will either give you mercy or leave you second-guessing if you actually just experienced the previous three stages
Do not be fooled for your body is attempting to give you a false positive
This is a dangerous stage as if you give in to this false positive a shart will surely consume the entirety of your pantalones
Chapter five
Stage five, the toilet begins to talk
It may be because of the fluids you just lost
The talking is defined as the pipes unwilling to take the mound you've just created down into the watery abyss
They will scream out for mercy
But as you are unable to obtain mercy for yourself you will be unable to give it.
Chapter six, revenge
The beginning of the end for you and your surroundings, As you begin to bargain with any and every God and deity,
The seat in which you sit has had enough
It can no longer withstand the tremendous forces being placed upon it
For it has come for revenge in the form of a watery massacre
From the oblivion below a strong force of sewage has come to claim its mighty throne
Chapter seven
After surviving such an ordeal a sense of ease begins to wash over you
But unbeknownst to you, there is irreparable damage to your porcelain throne
The pipes have begun to rupture, and an unholy brown tidal wave spills forth toward your feet
The ground quakes and the toilet begins to sing a swan song of gurgles
It sits lifeless
Its state is beyond critical
Shame is all you know
Chapter eight
As your shame seeps in so too does the brown liquid residing at your feet
Through the floor it travels infecting the walls
Leaving scattered stains throughout your home or workplace
You are unable to control it as it interacts with the asbestos within your walls
The walls have turned from a calming white to an ungodly-smeared brown
Your restroom has become unhabitable by any life form
You notice the lifeless toilet has developed rigor mortis
It is stiff and cold to the touch
For it begins on the path of destruction as it begins to sink before your very eyes

Ladies and gentlemen,
I present
Big Dookie's Behind Bars

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