R.I.P J.A.S & C.Q.D

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Dummy$lick

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I think about you every night
I look up to that sky
And I wish with all my might
That you were still here
So my siblings could have a better life
What happened to you wasn't right
When I saw that casket drop
I knew that we had lost our bright light
It's midnight now
Despite my best efforts
I could not take their pain away
They've seen too many rainy days
For them I would set this whole motherfucking
World ablaze
I couldn't even tell em it was all going to be okay
Because I didn't even know what was next
At the end of the day, I just tried to be a good brother
But I didn't wanna smother
Cuz I knew this shit was not a phase
It was hard to recover
We had to suffer
We still are
We had to rediscover what makes us tougher
That pain scars
No matter what we'll always have one another
We're bread and butter
I'll be your north star
You're all his legacy and if he could see you now
I know he'd be proud
Grandma woke me up one day
She handed me the phone
And then she headed on her way
And then I went and said hey
To my surprise it was pops on the other line
And he had something to say
We barely talk
So it was a little off
When his voice was shaky that way
He said
"Your brother's gone"
"We found him in the garage"
"Face full of regret"
"Cold skin and a noose holding him from the neck"
My chest got heavy and I held my breath
It felt like eternity sitting in silence
We talked for a bit then I ended up crying
Because to me
He was so care free
Just a little bit younger than me
So I felt to some degree that it was my fault
Never mentioned suicide to me
So I ignored the risk just by default
I'll do my best to make sure the rest
Never have these thoughts
I miss you both
And I'll never let you down
I'm gonna make you both proud
To my siblings
I love every one of you
I'll always be around when you're down
And I'll never let you drown
RIP
JAS
CQD

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