Suicidal Thoughts

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SUCKSYOULOST

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Ghost in the wall hearing loud banging noises
Acclaimed like emotions, causing 20 different commotions
Stay opened, always open never closing, but closed in
Is what I'd say when talking about how you keep your emotions
Love me or hate me that would change how I feel you know?
Love is still hate just percieved differently
Tired of being so nice, when all my feelings telling me not to be right
And my ego air tight, vacuum sealed if I may
But that leaves me open for change which I hate
Man I'm sad, but man I'm sure as hell glad
That I'm still open, not closed in
But that contradicts this fucking opening
But that's just my life, man I hate being right
Cause I'm always right, but then I get opinions
But then, it gets divided
My whole fanbase aligning, they hating what I'm providing
And I'm tryna be better, I'm tryna grow
I guess it's true when they said "You should grow and not show"
But damn show and tell was the one place I felt free
Everyone looking at me, shit that's the final fantasy
And all my close and loved ones leaving me in a pit to rot
I can't even find a way to crawl out of this shit
And I don't love your ex stop making up lies
I just know where she been, I'm tryna make sure she's fine
When I know what you be doing, man I don't fucking say
If I wanted to be an asshole I woulda done it my way (my way)
You can't seriously expect me to be happy at this point
Only time I'm semi happy is when matt passes me a joint
This leaves me miserable most the time, or atleast vunerable
Then people take my emotions, and decide to huddle
I guess that's a cuddle, man you funneling your emotions in the mud puddle
Mid, mid, after mid, man all I want is just one hit
So all the people can say "Nick you going crazy"
"God nick you can save me"
And I know that people gon wanna cancel me
At this point I don't care, send all your armies
Send all your armies, cmon do it
I'm so low, man I'm stooping
They don't understand that I'm going through a loop and
They think I'm going crazy well damn just shoot me
They don't really wanna know my pain
They don't know what I've had to gain
They don't know that I don't wanna be the same
And these are suicidal thoughts of a maniac
Of a maniac
Man this isn't my problem
This is not the way I'm gonna solve it
If you got ideas, come and run it by me
Please, please, please, please
You was an idea, barely a conception
I was barely being happy, barely getting a message
I can name all the bitches I done upset and
Or the ones who wanted matt over me, that left me upset and
Wanting vengeance, but then I realized it wasn't my problem no more
Man I'm living life like a soprano
Always gotta worry about the man on my right
Man saying that now ain't right
This shit a good reason to wanna die tonight
Always on my own, always on this mic
Ending at a reasonable time
And I'm barely getting by
Practically starving myself, tryna kill time
Tryna see just how far my aim can go
How far my tolerance will truly bestow
I kinda wish, I was rich, so I didn't feel
Broke and ready to get killed
Man that's your idea, roof over my head makes me smile
But the insides got stained old tiles
Everyone miserable, so I'm leaving for the meanwhile
F*ck your smile, it ain't real and you know that
Stop being pressured to own up to that
You ain't even dead yet so why you answering
And I hate people who ain't even artists giving me their thoughts
Man your thoughts are fucking garbage
I guess trying to engineer you were trying to help me
But you being "God" in your head made you think I was underwhelming
Or something, cause you just ain't the same
I look at you and my thoughts change
And I don't feel it's shaped
All my songs don't got names
I just name them when they drop
Listen back, think of a thought
This them suicidal thoughts
I miss all my girls, I guess I miss all my thots
Anyone of them would've helped me by now
Trauma dumping to anyone, with the slightest frown
Man ignorance is bless, that shit won't ever stop me somehow
Somehow
Send all your armies, cmon do it
I'm so low, man I'm stooping
They don't understand that I'm going through a loop and
They think I'm going crazy well damn just shoot me
They don't really wanna know my pain
They don't know what I've had to gain
They don't know that I don't wanna be the same
And these are suicidal thoughts of a maniac
Of a maniac
Man this isn't my problem
This is not the way I'm gonna solve it
If you got ideas, come and run it by me
Please, please, please, please
And I respect you

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