Gluttony
Imogen Stirling
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The clock strikes evening forwards on this Friday night And the flat is rife with unfulfilled tension Torpor and consternation He'd lingered at the Tesco shelves until certainty approached Dismissed notions of rent, bills and kindly loans To grab Bacardi and Coke before the spell broke Hardly a sin is it, hardly a sin? The party is his tonight Congregated strangers crazed by consumption Straining to fit the given mould of student culture Each slightly queasy by the night's prospect Yet drink until drink until drink until drink Until arrogance bursts forth through anxious ribs And holds its own In a zone of masturbatory ego stoking Brash and unfolding, peacocks preaching politics And boasting philosophy Filled to the brim with cheap mixer and gin Until collective vomiting of confidence Sets guards back up Left sick with lust for unattainable life Fill me up I cannot get enough Fill me up I just want to be loved He's crept upstairs early Nauseous and lonely and in need of bedroom safety Beats bleed through walls, but housed in blanket womb That wound stays sutured, reclusive Not in the mood to talk rumours The scene downstairs is a sea of clashing vanities Bereft of friendship An empty ruse to rally tomorrow's profile pictures Extending the fiction of how to do weekends He just wants a hand to hold, an arm to slip under He just wants to forget the red stamped letters The broken heater, the battle to make ends meet He wants to forget he spent her money on a disco strobe Desperate for acceptance He wants to hate her for trying to protect him Her waitress tips masquerading as WiFi assistance Went on a litre of lime-flavoured paint stripper He necks it and undoes his zipper She said she wants the best for him She always wants the best for him Two years younger than him He cringes at the ridicule of her concern Thoughts swim in vodka seas as he takes a clumsy picture Sends it to her A gift, he thinks Unsolicited Illicit Explicit Idiot Burned pupils imbued with hateful toxicity Eyes glazed, money wasted, binged and broken He thinks of the jokes that they share in the kitchen As she carries used plates and he flips her a pancake Their cigarette breaks, their bus shelter waits He thinks of the way she draws a smiley face Every time on the stiff brown envelopes she splits her tips into Slips inside his bag with a nonchalant grin He thinks of her waking for her 6am shift The crime on her phone screen He thinks of her starting her day with his sin And remorse is a blade twist Fill me up I cannot get enough Fill me up I just want to be loved
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