Letter to You

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CaelTheVeggie

5:03

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And I ain't playin but I'm known to f*ck around
This shit different when I'm rolling through my town
Tell me turn it down it ain't my speakers that been loud
Cruisin uptown Woo while this blunt hang out my mouth
I been loud there ain't no way I'm turnin down
I can't talk to Bryce and I ain't stopping til' he proud
I ain't stopping til' I see my brothers smile
I been doing me I see my influence in others
Max is making beats and I know Hal gon' be a lawyer
Dylan back at home I know he look after my mother
Jack get raises left and right and he just got another
And I promise you it's not his first
I know Zay gon' make it 'cause thats someone I been watching work
Ty been doing fashion fresh to death I know he whip the hearse
All this winning just make losing bro worse
Look
Y'all want materialistic f*ck that I'm making you feel it
My brother killed himself before I even knew I could kill it
I woke up in the morning I just had one them feelings
I'm in Cleveland got the call from my momma saying that he no longer with us
Broke my heart on the spot, whole life change in a moment
I still ain't visit his plot, I dunno I can't go and see the headstone decorated
I'm sure it's gorgeous but no matter what it look like
It still stay say Bryce Thomas Rowland
PTSD on me everytime my mama call
To this day I'm still convincing pops it's not his fault
I was too busy on the evening might've missed the call
With a girl we hit it off wish that I could fix it all
Was it my fault? I hope not
I look for answers that we don't got
Smoke to ease it pain won't stop
I need some answers know we don't got
I talk to Bryce y'all talk to God but neither answer back
How can I believe in them will someone answer that
I know he gone so it's just me to care for mom and dad
Asking God like "Why he leave me can you ask him that?"
Still no answer not from either of em
I ain't rushin to but I wish I could see my brother
I wish I could see him when he see me rap, see how he react
Look what lil bro discovered he could do
Think you left when I still needed you
He never heard me rap, only heard a beat or two
Imagine bro what we could do
I'll trade all this shit for 10 seconds of me and you
I guess this rap shit I should see it through
I admit I struggle when I think of you
Aye, think of little shit we used to do
I love you bro I hope to God you know it's true
I'm thinking maybe I should've prayed for you more
Now I pretend I'm okay you left a hole in my core
My heart feeling sore, I drive by your crib
But you not there anymore
I don't think this life shit really fair anymore
I don't know how I'm supposed to really care anymore
I lost my brother what y'all stare at me for
I should've been there for you more

Intoxicated feeling lonely, likes to drink when he smoke
Contemplating his final moments needs to talk to his bro
I was with a girl ain't pickup I just left him on his own
Big bro gone by midnight missed all call on my phone
And may god rest his soul but you know that rest on mine
And sometimes that weight get heavy but I promise I'll be fine
I don't know who I'm promising but someone listening right
If not I'll find a girl that bitch can listen for the night
I just need to vent a little bit about the situation
So get situated, this gon take a minute
I got a lot to say this, shit kinda complicated
Look
Even though this music shit has given me my purpose
Trade it for you in second wouldn't question if it's worth it
I remember working right beside you back in high school
We would fight and argue, should've just told you I love you
I feel the blame's on me a little I was hard on you
I feel my successes played a part what in you thought of you
I feel so emotional at simply just the thought of you
Goddamn I need to talk to you
Wish I could tell you that your smile lit the room up
Family functions in the corner we just do us
Wish I could tell you that I smile at the thought of
Being your baby brother smile when you brought up
Tell you be proud of you and proud of who you are
Please don't ever feel the need to hide your scars
Please don't ever feel alone I'm never far
I got your back because you had mine from the start
I feel a hole for you it's empty in my heart
All those happy memories disperse when shit get hard
Whipping home from Cleveland screaming asking God why
I still ain't got no answer but I try
To focus on the good but I can't focus
Teardrops in my eyes whole time I wrote this
I lost my bro with no goodbye it's hard to cope with
I'll be honest swear I really do not know if
I'll ever heal from this but f*ck it here's to hoping
I'll never hear from him again that feeling hopeless
It's helpless, I couldn't help him
I hope he know I love him 'cause I'll never get to tell him

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