Let This Go

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Kevin A.D

5:19

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I'm not sure how I should start this off
I guess I could just welcome you
Welcome to my heart it's open
I got nothing else to lose
Yeah I'm might say some things that you might think was never true
Or you might hear some things that'll only start upsetting you
So Before I put a mask and hide a few things
I'll let you know I can't fathom how I can do this
To stand here in front of everyone
No matter who listens
I'll let you walk with me
But I'll be sure to ask you if the shoe fits
What's good about having pride when it stripped me of my confidence
And robbed me of my joy
It doesn't matter if I made money or experienced some kind of accomplishment
I had so much fear of the man I was becoming
I was never really good at taking people's compliments
Felt worse about myself
I don't deserve nothing positive
I'll take all the punishment the pain And the dominance
Ask me to be specific and I might just end up dodging it
Have you ever felt like you were under water and drowning
But when you looked up some boats came by but you acted like you never saw them
Cuz your hiding to protect you from the shame
So you felt a little safer in the bottom
Then you caught a memory of one of the times
When mom and daddy was around
They wouldn't leave you behind
You remembered feeling protected
You always felt secure
You wish that was still true
But that ain't the case no more
We were really young when we all had to take a hit
Momma raised us by herself my grandmother took us in
Since we were left alone
We had nowhere else to live
Momma seemed aggravated
She was feeling powerless
At this point it seems like I've experienced some abandonment
But at least i never wondered or asked where my momma went
Cuz she has always been there
But on the other hand i've been praying and begging God to tell me where my father been
Now let me put you in the perspective of that little kid
Countless of times his father told him he would visit them
Then one time he said he was coming and told his siblings
They waited on the porch for him to come but he never did
And I thought after 20 years I could bury that emotion and bury those tears
But burying this monster ended up making him stronger
My feelings came back to slaughter
Ima always be alone
Man I wish I had a father
I Spoke with the pastor that I met in Sebring
I Was gonna hurt myself was in a dark season
He said to get over it or he'll put me on the spot
Cuz If I'm thinking about suicide he'll hand me to the cops,
He also said that taking some pills might really help that problem
I couldn't take that advice so I just nodded
I said I couldn't cuz of an overdosing trauma,
And then he goes on to tell me that my death should be the other option
Well that explains why I might have issues to trust God
Too many male figures were okay to let my heart drop
You say that He will always be my Heavenly father
But I trusted someone once until he left his son and daughter
I'm really trying to believe that God will always love me
But this trauma is resurfacing to sabotage me
He said he wants to heal me and that He will take care of this
But every time He gets closer I end up running away from him
But I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one
There's plenty of others who thought their life was done
Finding hope was just a loss
Their efforts wouldn't be enough
So giving up might be the cost
Is that why he was so distant tried his best to toughen up
I can't lie I know he needed love
We were young when my father came back and he took him from us
Years later that lead em to the streets
Started rocking with the thugs
That's the sad story of a kid and how he grew up
When he went to school teachers told him he ain't worth nothing
And then he dropped out
Avoiding the subject
And Started running of the block then got put in prison
He said he proved them right and believed he'll never amount to something
15 years I saw him in and out of prison
While people around said he's a failure to be witnessed
And then he got out He ain't where to start
He needed money fast and called his homies from the block
Now he's Tryina get another dollar
Trying to get some change in his pocket by selling some bottles
See him here today but tomorrow he could be a goner
That's him everyday cuz he thinks everybody forgot him
When you put it that way our thoughts might be that common
No one really liked to see him
Cuz his body started rotting
Heart is thrown into adoption
Moving into every problem
His whole world had to spin in circles
But nobody stopped him
Now that I see his face
I can't even contemplate
Why he had to live with all the things that resonates
With his aggression that came from his pain
I wonder if he had a good father
If things would've turned out differently
I wonder if we had a good father if things would turn out differently!
I know I should've moved on
But at least you could've told me that i'm not alone
Instead of saying that my emotions were all wrong
Couldn't hold back even if it hurt us
Said we gotta trust God, don't complain about your burdens
So it's left under the surface and we wouldnt know
Would you still love us if we couldn't let go
Couldn't let go
Couldn't let go
Couldn't let go Whoa
If we couldn't let go
Couldn't let go
Couldn't let go
Couldn't let go whoa
If we couldn't let go
Couldn't let go
Couldn't let go
We know we should've moved on
But at least you coulda told us that we're not alone
Instead of saying that our emotions are all wrong

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