Car Boot Sale

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ARES XXII

2:56

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It's a lazy Sunday afternoon
I'm in my Fiat punto heading to the car boot
Don't know what I want to buy, probably nothing
But there's a couple car boots that I'm itching to rummage
Two quid in my back pocket who knows what I'll spend it on
A well-used telescope or maybe even Tron
On DVD, because I've never seen it
But I've heard it's pretty shit so I dont know what I'm missing
Pulled up in the car park the place was packed
Bloke in the burger van, was fucking stacked
Locked the car door, had to click a few times
Cause my key's fucked, happens all the time
So I strolled on down to the car boot sale
Saw a book about kale, but I don't like kale
Saw a book for the blind but I don't read braille
Why's there so many books in this car boot sale
Realised this place backs onto a library
Book club showed up now it's getting lively
They got lemonade and they're selling it quick
And I've got a dry mouth so I go for a sip
She said five quid
I said can you repeat that
I'm not paying that much
I'm just giving you feedback
Now lower that price or I'm cracking your kneecaps
And twisting those wrists till I'm giving you heat rash
They said calm down I can do you a discount
I said that's fine, what kind of a discount
They said two quid, well that's all that I've got
Can you do it for free, or you gunna get shot
At this point now I just feel like a prick
So I walk off calm with my gun on my hip
When I say I've got a strap, yeah I mean a nerf gun
Foam dart to your head yeah I'm that kind of person
Don't give a f*ck if you're left with a suction mark
I got two CS-10's pointed at your heart
If you get on my nerves then the party starts
Death by nerf gun written on the casket
Didn't want to but I had to blast it
Feel no remorse, left the crime scene laughing
Stopped in my track and realised my mistake
I got no lemonade and I'm still gasping
I'm stressed out now and the dogs are barking
Saw a pug in the mix so I had to spark him
He did a front flip and I can't stop laughing
As I fall to my knees where the cars are parking
I realise now I'm the car boot target for slapping that dog half way across the market
I see an angry mob, well I hear them marching
And they're led by a man with a middle parting
I rub my eyes, is that leonardo
Put my glasses on, it wasn't leonardo
To my surprise he's in a leotard though
Saw a dragon with a beard and her name was Margo
The mob is pissed and they're pushing me out
They won't listen to a word coming out of my mouth
And I don't really know what they're chatting about because the pug deserved to get a little smack in the snout
Anyway, I guess I'll take the L
And with that I strolled out of the car boot sale
Will I pay for my crimes, only time will tell
In the mean time, the pug punisher prevails
Sat down in the car and I hit the gas
Naught to sixty in a minute I don't want to crash
Got the sat nav going and it's on the dash
I live with my mum but driving to my dads
I looked behind me and the mob was there
They were catching up quick, to my despair
Put my foot down and sunk in my chair
Thirty one in a thirty, I don't care
I got back home, and in my room I stepped
I couldn't get the picture of that pug out my head
The room went quiet, all I heard was breath
And as I looked down the pug was there under my bed

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