spiraling
Della Rose and the Community Garden
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It's the 26th of December I'm trying to remember the last few months In October I turned one year older But the night didn't turn out as fun As it does in the movies With the prom queens And the parties and the alcohol God, I wish I could forget about it all I wish I could get wasted But it can't mix with my medication So I stay here taking it all in Why can't my brain make enough serotonin? So I sit on the floor of my college apartment And pray to the Lord that my anti-depressants Will finally work like my therapist promised 'Cause I'm getting bored of my whole existence And I celebrate my 20th birthday With tears on my face, with flushed cheeks and migraines And eyeliner stains that stay til the next day And when I awake, I'll dissociate Again and again, turning the wheel of fate Round as it spins, I'll think of my old age And will I regret that even my golden days Of youth were spent waiting to be stable Far in the future, maybe married with a kid Or something just as stupid as a life long commitment But is it really useless? I don't think I believe that anymore 'Cause you said without love our life is wasted So I guess I'll be ok with it, and you can love me til the end And if I'm not your favorite, then promise me we'll still be friends I'll go on some business trip and miss the day that you'll be wed 'Cause I can't handle that shit, can't bear to see your happy end And even though I'm too depressed to feel the heartbreak now One day I will be a mess, when you've forgot about me And your life is full of happiness but I'm still waiting outside in this Twenty-year-old prom dress throwing stones at your new house And years will pass me by but I'll still be writing all my songs About that perfect night when I had your shoulder to cry on God, I wish I could pause time, replay this moment all night long I feel so paralyzed, God, I really need to move on I should probably stop spiraling about all this made up shit I'm just catastrophizing about my unhappiness When I should be fantasizing about better things than this So I'll try to stabilize cause now I'm twenty, not a kid But I still wrote all of this down For my dissociated self To remember it
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"spiraling Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 7 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/11726448/Della+Rose+and+the+Community+Garden/spiraling>.
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