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C. James Conrad

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I put the salsa in the fridge but it's never where I leave it
Have to triple check the lid before I use the toilet
There's no more string in the dental floss
One black sock is always getting lost
I might not know a lot but I know when I am home

I try to park the car but the bikes are in the driveway
I bring home the bacon but it never reaches my plate
I'm peeling glitter glue and stickers off my chair
Reaching for a remote that's never there
I might not know a lot but I know when I am home

I know what I know when I am home
Yes, I know what I know when I am home
Oh, I know what I know when I am home
I when I am home I'm not alone
I when I am home I'm not alone

I'm signing my name with a Hello Kitty pen
Hanging up posters of My Little Pony and friends
The kids' bad dreams keep them up at night
In the morning they're between me and my wife
I might not know a lot but I know when I am home

I know what I know when I am home
Yes, I know what I know when I am home
Oh, I know what I know when I am home
I when I am home I'm not alone
I when I am home I'm not alone

My underwear is clean but they turn pink in the wash
Negotiating's harder than the Middle East peace talks
No one will confess to what everyone smells
Sibling rivalry's alive and well
I might not know a lot but I know when I am home

I know what I know when I am home
Yes, I know what I know when I am home
Oh, I know what I know when I am home
I when I am home I'm not alone
I when I am home I'm not alone

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