PTSD

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Retro HNDRXX

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What if, let's go a little deeper, if we were to address some of the skeletons that were in the closets
And we were able to bring those skeletons out as a family and really address them and bury them well
What if we were able to actually change the world from inside of a family and out

Swear I'm so tired of being drained, need a constant motivation
The minute I break ties with Karen, I must not be thinking
Mental patient lacking patience but thank god that I'm sedated
Got some shit to ease my mind but if not ill have to bake it
Always having complications, I swear shit don't go my way
It's like they having revelations every time they see me break
And don't nobody see the pain, can you see what's going on
I always say I'm okay when anybody asks what's wrong

It's just easier to say, how I say I feel down
I ain't feeling like myself, been too long to say I'm found
Told my mama how I feel and she say it's cause of stress
If she only understands that I feel like this to my death
This feeling will never leave, swear I had it since a child
Feeling like I ain't deserve the chance to live right now
I ain't saying that nobody really love me cause I know it
Got a big heart, let the shit stop, who gon' tow it

I ain't saying that I'm hurt, I just don't know what it is
Why I try and make me cry but I never shed a tear
I been feeling like this since the Centennial days
Why you think I love sad music, all that I make
I been trying to vocalize the way I feel but I ain't close
There ain't no grit inside my voice, that's just pain and it just spoke
How you feel about it, ain't no pressure, speak opinions loudly
I'm a grown man, feelings finna kill me, say it proudly
When I'm outtie, everybody say they love me, I'm they dog
I'm alive, don't believe them, I went olo through that drought
Watch them open up they mouth, nothing but lies inside a voice
If I choose to end it early, they gon' hate I made that choice
I think I need another therapist, I had one some years ago
I can't see the tunnel clearly, I been trying to tunnel through the smoke
Had a house with everybody that I love, disappearing
And I had to move Zeus, but a breakdown I was fearing

I would go to the door and open that curtain
And lo and behold, he would pop his face right into that panel
Where I opened the curtain
Oh, what a great feeling

It's just easier to say how I say I feel down
I ain't feeling like myself, been too long to say I'm found
Told my mama how I feel and she say it's cause of stress
If she only understands that I feel like this to my duck
This feeling will never leave, swear I had it since a child
Feeling like I ain't deserve the chance to live right now
I ain't saying that nobody really love me cause I know it
Cause I know it

Draco moved away, love my lil' nigga, wanna see him
Pasto fell in love, wanna see him happy, so I'm cheering
So I choose to put a love inside a girl who did me dirty
Let emotions get the best of me, felt like I ain't worthy
See my sister do her ex, how my exes did me
And I know just how he feeling, but it's best if I don't speak
Know a way to end it all, it involve some alcohol
Gotta drink until you're happy, that's the way to solve it all
I ain't lying, I was never into drinking, I'll smoke
I got downtown, lonely times, liquor made me cope
Surrounded by some rejects, trying to drink the pain away
Drinking with some alcoholics, all I had to do at days
Now I'm thinking damn, like man, I can't taste drink
Smoking all these blacks, waking up, make my breath stank
Why I fell in love with death, I try to question it
Why I feel rebellious all the time towards the government
Why I feel the only way to fix it is with death
I ain't even have a seed when I leave, what is left
Got a coping mechanism, can't explain it, not by choice
Every time I have a feeling, gotta kill it with a voice and I don't know

It's just easier to say how I say I feel down
I ain't feeling like myself, been too long to say I'm found
Told my mama how I feel and she say it's cause of stress
If she only understand that I feel like this to my death
This feeling will never leave, swear I had it since a child
Feeling like I ain't deserve the chance to live right now
Live right now
Live right now
Live right now
Live right now

Your father may have not provided you with what you longed for
It wasn't the car, it wasn't the Barbie
It was actually his time that you really wanted
When you're able to verbalize that to him, then you actually have an advantage

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