How to Wash a Check

Victoria ClarkVictoria Clark 

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Victoria Clark

Victoria Clark (born October 10, 1959) is an American actress, musical theatre singer and director. Clark has performed in numerous Broadway musicals and in other theatre, film and television works. Her soprano voice can also be heard on innumerable cast albums and several animated films. In 2008, she released her first solo album titled Fifteen Seconds of Grace. In 2005, she won a Tony Award for Best Leading Actress in a Musical for her role in The Light in the Piazza. She also won the Drama Desk Award, Outer Critics Circle Award, and the Joseph Jefferson Award for her performances in the same show. more »

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(Intro: Debra, Seth, Martin)
Alright, listen, this mailbox is filled with checks
Which we're gonna retrieve and wipe clean
Isn't that check fraud?
I mean, what even is "check fraud?"
It's the fraudulent use of checks
Merriam-Webster over here
Okay, let's review
"How to Wash a Check"

(Verse 1)
Tie the fish-line
Open the mailbox
Drop the glue trap
Get a bite
Pull the line up
Take the check out
Make a copy
Do it right

(Refrain)
Or nobody gets what they want
Nobody gets what they want, sing it
Nobody gets what they want, in harmony
Nobody gets what they want

Okay, next steps

(Verse 2)
Soak the checky
In the solvent
Where'd the ink go? (Ooh)
Outta sight
Dry the check off
Forge the Hancock
"To Seth Weetis" (Wait, what?)
Do it right (Did you say Seth Wee-)

(Refrain)
Or everybody ends up in jail (Oh God)
Everybody ends up in jail (Tell me)
Everybody ends up in jail (Remind me)
Everybody ends up in jail

(Interlude)
Good, now you do it

(Verse 3)
Tie the fish line (Right)
Open the mailbox (Good)
Now the glue trap (You didn't peel it)
Where's the fish line? (What are you doing?)
The line is tangled (Jesus)
These fumes are strong (What is happening?)
Who has the glue trap? (I can't peel it)
If you guys cock this up
(Refrain)
Nobody gets what they want
Nobody gets what they want
Nobody gets what they want

(Interlude)
Can't I just reach in the mailbox? My arms are pretty skinny
No, just do it like I said
Got the fish line, got the glue trap
Hand it over
It's so sticky

(Verse 4)
I think my arm's stuck (What?)
Inside the mailbox? (Oh shit, his arm's stuck)
Stuck in the mailbox (I said not to do that)
Stuck in the mailbox (I'm sorry)
Pull it out (I can't)
Try to relax (It's eating my arm)

(Refrain)
The glue trap is stuck to my head (How did you-)
The glue trap is stuck to my head
The glue trap is stuck to her head (Of course it is)
The mailbox is eating my arm (Kill me)
The mailbox is eating- The glue trap is stuck to-
Everybody's going to jail
Everybody's going to jail, sing it
Everybody's going to jail
(Interlude)
Ugh, you know what? You're terrible at this
Maybe I should've recruited the Show Choir from West Orange
No, we are better than West Orange
We can do this, you guys!
Tenor! Alto! Bass! Watch!

(Verse 5)
Tie the fish line
Open the mailbox
Drop the glue trap
Get a bite (Okay)
Pull the line up
Take the check out
Make a copy
Do it right (You're getting my hopes up)
Soak the checky, soak the checky
Soak the checky (Aloha)
In the solvent, in the solvent
In the solvent (Mahalo)
Where'd the ink go? Where'd the ink go?
Where'd the ink go? (I'm gonna learn to hula on Waikiki Beach)
Outta sight, outta sight, outta sight
Dry the check off, dry the check off, dry the check off
Forge the Hancock, forge the Hancock, forge the Hancock
"To Seth Weetis," "To Seth Weetis," "To Seth Weetis"
We did it right (I knew you would)
Yay!

(Outro)
Then you get the costumes you need (Oh, woah)
We get the costumes we need
Yeah, and Kim gets a family trip (Oh, woah)
Kim gets a family trip
And I get to Waikiki Beach (Oh, woah)
And you get to Waikiki Beach
And Seth gets
Oh, I don't really need anyth- (Doesn't matter)
Everybody gets what they want, yeah
Everybody gets what they want, yeah
Everybody gets what they want

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