BENIGN

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Dominic Ajogbei

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Time is passive
It is a gentle bleeding of seconds into hours and moments into days
And in the twinkle of an eye a year has gone by
A year of me deprived of your love
Your smile and the intricacy of your design
You see my heart yearns for you
but my ego resides in my temple and it's been comfortable for a while
I'd hear your voice in fleeting moments but my brain's been hard coded to display denial
Your pride and my ego, essential recipes for a cocktail that's not benign
But love is benign … and we felt it
When I tucked your hair behind your ears so my fingers could strokes cheeks the look in my eyes said I love you and you knew I meant it
So you'd lock fingers with mine, kiss my hand and that cheeky smile on your face said "I love you too" and each time I melted
So why have we faltered
Love never fails, but we've been broken so many times that love might not be enough
So what's changed
Have I grown into a man undeserving of your desires
Are my offerings of intimacy no longer a fuel to your fire
Why does a stare into my eyes no longer set your soul on fire
Riddle me this
If we were good each time I asked why are we here
If you trusted me, what did you fear
And when did you decide that our love was something you had to persevere
Damn it, there's things silence won't repair
So speak up now, this is the time to share
You know It's amazing to hear the passion in your voice
But for the longest time it was never there
I'd watch your eyes light up in conversations with friends
But as soon as that call ends
they return to gloom
Like I was the catalyst of your doom
I find it amazing that you're a poet, who doesn't like to speak
(But you know that It is my escape..)
Please let me speak
Your actions spoke louder than words, but your voice was what kept my heart at its peak
You'd show me you loved me, and then you'd say it
So when you're away and I'm needing your loving my brain will replay it
But you wouldn't say it
And now you ask me why my heart has grown quiet
It's because you denied it
You stopped speaking like you were trying to win my heart
Now That, that is when we fell apart
You'd make decisions and hope I understand
but fail to realise my heart had its own demands
See we have danced in the sea of love
So I know that is not where we stand
This pool is shallow and ankle deep
But you promised a love that will drown me
Yes action speaks louder than words
But before you say that you showed it
Tell me why you write poetry and not just act it
It's because words give life, and subconsciously you felt it
I loved your gifts, the flowers and acts of service
But what I really wanted, was for you to look in my eyes and tell me I was wanted
Now that is where we faltered
You ask me why I don't talk
But when you don't talk, how do I know that you'd listen
You'd tell me of big moments but it's the little things that's missing
When you ask me what shirt to buy, or what lunch to make it'd make my heart glisten
You see I wanted to be a part of your life, not just your milestones
You see the joy at the top of the mountain, was slowly built in the climb
And Yes love is benign
But you, you don't get to choose the language my heart understands
So love me in my own words
Assure me that I am yours
Continue to invent pet names that nauseate me
For when I sleep it is not your actions but your words that comfort me

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