Fat shame

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Jayhard Special Forces

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This is a story of a love of food that will never stop
I've got a motorized trolley
It's how I get from my house to the shops
I've searched the net
Looking for answers, found countless diets
I did them all at once
You can't say that I never tried

Why am I so fat?
Is it my glands or just that
I eat everything known to man
Is that why I am so grand
Why I'm so fat?
Why am I obese?
I haven't seen my feet since I was seventeen
When Tony Blair got into Downing Street
I'm heading straight towards late onset diabetes
I'm a fatty

Went to the doctors
He told me to staple my stomach shut
I'd only eat liquid
Eat liquid! What the?
So I went to weight watchers
And listened hard to the other fatties' tales
But it was a failure cos when it was my turn
I went and broke the scales

Why am I so fat?
Is it my love of lard and toast
Or just that the only exercise I have is to go to the fridge and then to come back?
Why am I obese?
The flaps underneath my arms really reek of putrid fungal cheese
Under this arm and beneath my knees is all fungally
I'm a fatty

So I went to my mother and she told me she'd love me however large I became
But when I hugged her she died from oxygen starvation to the brain
So I spoke to my dad and the pragmatist told me
Son, eat more fruit and veg
So I ate all I had and I ended up s**tting myself dangerously close to death

Why am I so fat?
Was it my mum and dad and the crucial fact that
McDonald's and their like like were more than a passing fad?
Why am I obese?
Is it my genes, nothing to do with me
And all of this food I eat
This table of beige food laid out in front of me
In all it's majesty

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