The Ballad Of Them Horse Boys

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HJÖRSE

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All right y'all
This here's a little song about love
And life out here on the open range
And the two dumbest sons of bitches I ever met
Who the hell is that
Well I met these two dumb assholes down in Old El Paso
They called themselves the horse boys
Lord only knows why because they couldn't
Find a horse's ass with their face shoved in it
One of them was named Tommy
Wait what
The other was named Bobby
Bobby who
And they are proof that God really can make mistakes
Dude who the hell is this lady
I don't know! I was just trying
To record this song and she came in out of nowhere
You think she's talking about us
Have you ever been to El Paso
No, I've never been to El Paso
I've been to like San Antonio maybe once or twice but not El Paso
Well them horse boys were very confused
About this random lady that came in
And said that they were God's mistake
They say that they maybe been down to San Antonio
But never been down around Old El Paso way
Yippie yi yi oh
Yippie yi yi aaaaaa
Let me tell you about the time
These two morons tried to rob the bank
We tried to what
Now the funniest part of this is the fact that
They thought this was a damn brilliant plan
Did she just say we tried to rob a bank
They sent in a stray dog with a note hung on it
That just said give me your money
I ain't makin' this shit up
This literally never happened
It was supposed to be a distraction
So they could sneak in and just take the money
But these fools were too busy sitting at the front door
Having a damn giggle fit about the dog
That they forgot all about their plan
If there's anyone in law enforcement listening
We did not try to rob a bank
Well them horse boys were very concerned
About this random lady that came in
And said they tried to rob a bank
Telling the lawmen they had nothing to do with it
And never been down around old El Paso way
Yippie yi yi oh
Yippie yi yi aaaa
Oh play that six string baby
Oh my God
Who the shit even are you
Then there was the time these geniuses
Thought it was a good idea
To try to steal a monkey from the circus
You ever seen grown men
Get their asses kicked by a monkey
Sounded like thirty people
Throwing their boots against a wall
Only with more cryin
Or how about the time
They snuck into the saloon
And drank up all the damn liquor
Now I seen all of this
With my own eyes and you know I wouldn't lie
Okay, that sounds like something we would do
The f*ck did she say about a monkey?
There they was drunk as all to be damned in the middle of a corn field
Slapping each other on the ass with corn stalks
Butt ass naked y'all
And with them six shooters they were packin
I'm surprised they held anything up
If you catch my meanin
Is she talking about our dicks
Oh come on it's not that small
Did she leave or something
I guess? Does that mean we can record this song now
It looks like it. Okay so we were at
I'm talkin' about their dicks y'all
Motherfucker
Well them horse boys got bamboozled
By that random lady that just came in
And started talking about their dicks
Okay goddamn it that's enough out of you too
What the actual f*ck is going on with this song
Well boys, what'd ya think
Is she talking to us
I don't even fucking know

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