Outta Time (Insomniac's Journal) (feat. Billy Ward)

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Se7enth Element

9:05

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Every day I say the same old lie
I'm feeling great and I'm doing just fine
I lie awake and hear the monsters fight
Which one will take what I have left inside
Every day I say the same old lie
I'm doing great and I'm feeling just fine
I lie awake as silence screams inside
My only escape is in the page I write
But I'm outta time

It's 2am and my mind's racing again
I roll over crumpled papers
And fumble to find a pen
Voices are getting louder
Telling me I should end
The struggles not worth the progress
Admittedly I can't win
Fitting it all begins
With a moment of self doubt
Seems backwards
I read it back
I must scream, but I have no mouth
Short stories
In a collection
Of tales from beyond the grave
I lie almost every day
When I say that I feel ok
Full of jokes
Face of cold stone
A shell of self
Pretend till I'm all alone
It's then and only then
That it's safe to break façade
Is it sad between the laughs
I question my faith in God
3am
And I've broken my pen
Tattered pad full of scribbles
A riddle of written gems
A message hidden within
Need help
Can't decipher
Every night I beg and pray
Tonight I'll just ask nicer

Every day I say the same old lie
I'm feeling great and I'm doing just fine
I lie awake and hear the monsters fight
Which one will take what I have left inside
Every day I say the same old lie
I'm doing great and I'm feeling just fine
I lie awake as silence screams inside
My only escape is in the page I write
But I'm outta time

4:03
Need sleep but I can't breathe
Hyper focused on these things that can't be
Yet I see
Knee deep in sleep paralysis
How is this my brain
See calluses on my hands
From me digging my own grave
Descending from new pain
Say I'm venting
Your loose change
Don't affect me in the way that you think
I've slit veins
I mean damn it
Tried to end this
I took the pills and I slept
Woke up and not a night has passed
That I've not wept
Ask why was I kept
It's not right I feel so left
Silver bullets in the skull
But the monsters ain't died yet
Looking for meaning
As evening becomes day
5:11 reads the clock
And still vision is opaque
I'm fighting to find some lighting
Some clarity rarely seen
See a light in the tunnel
Or is it just high beams of the train
Rain starts pouring
I hope song brings peace (Damn it)
As close my eyes
The monsters start their speech

Every day I say the same old lie
I'm feeling great and I'm doing just fine
I lie awake and hear the monsters fight
Which one will take what I have left inside
Every day I say the same old lie
I'm doing great and I'm feeling just fine
I lie awake as silence screams inside
My only escape is in the page I write
But I'm outta time

6:01
Voices have head spun
From screams they switch to whispers
Switch back when the nights done
It's all a cycle
Take the meds and I lie
Not sure if they help the healing
Still dealing with hopes to die
Come to conclusions
Illusion's all I am
Figment of imagination
Imitation of God
Damn my plan didn't work
Prayers stay untouched
Voices start making sense
Which monster should I trust
7am
I've lost the pen again
Went down a rabbit hole
Of what's seroton-in (wait)
Slurring sentences
Searching for urgent mentions in
A remix of a reel with intentions
Of boosting listens when (wait)
I should probably get off the phone
Probably get dressed for work
And make sure that this stay unknown
Another day I hid what's broke
With jokes and a dry tone
Smile to the ones who need it
Pretend I won't die alone

Every day I say the same old lie
I'm feeling great and I'm doing just fine
I lie awake and hear the monsters fight
Which one will take what I have left inside
Every day I say the same old lie
I'm doing great and I'm feeling just fine
I lie awake as silence screams inside
My only escape is in the page I write
But I'm outta time
Every day I say the same old lie
I'm feeling great and I'm doing just fine
I lie awake and hear the monsters fight
Which one will take what I have left inside
Every day I say the same old lie
I'm doing great and I'm feeling just fine
I lie awake as silence screams inside
My only escape is in the page I write

Am I outta time

Every day I say the same old lie
(but I'm outta time)
Every day I say the same old lie
(but I'm outta time)
Every day I say the same old lie
Every day every day

Every day I say the same old lie
(but I'm outta time)
I'm doing great and I'm feeling just fine
(but I'm outta time)
I lie awake as silence screams inside
My only escape is in the page I write
(every day every day)
Every day

I don't know why monsters tell me
I will never be enough
Say the moment wasn't real
When I called the devil's bluff
Say the pills are a placebo
I'm just lying to myself
And there wasn't any bullets
In the pistol
Cry for help
Nah
We passed that
I'm screaming but I barely make a sound
Feel I told you this before
It's like I haven't got a mouth
Beg and pleading for release
For reasons God won't take me out
I don't know
Am I repeating
Why
Wait
Damn it
It's so loud
The fire didn't take me
Crashes didn't dent
Pick my pill and poison
But still woke up
I lament
Might not be tonight
But still pray I die in sleep
Took me years just to feel normal
So this journal's where I keep
Every lie I have to tell myself
So no one sees the truth
I can say just rhymes and poetry
Place pictures in the booth
And the funny thing about it
We all know it's one big lie
But we close our eyes and listen
Maybe love is truly blind
Why's my mind always attacking me
Pray feelings become atrophied
When actually it's apathy
My mind lacks the capacity
Compassion
Me
Myself
for I
Will never let me sleep
I will hold all this inside of me
Self hatred buried deep
Picasso of the poetry
Poe - DMX mix
Dash of Hemingway
Cobain
Monk
Jimi
Robin
Hint of Chris
Blessed with words and phrases
True creative mind of mine
But the caveat's my muse is I'm bipolar
Over time I've lost family cause I'm broken
I've broke love because of this
If you ask me peace or genius
It would be an easy pick
Wish I didn't need this pencil
Wish I didn't need to drink
Doesn't matter what I tell you
I can't change the way I think
Pray each blink is when it's finished
Is it wrong to curse the gift
Does it matter what's the present
If it's wrapped in piss and shit
Hope this paints the perfect picture
Hope this shows you how it is
Every night when hold the pistol
Tell the lie that I should live

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