Poets & Philosophers

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Tom Swifty

A Tom Swifty (or Tom Swiftie) is a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it is attributed. Tom Swifties may be considered a type of wellerism. The standard syntax is for the quoted sentence to be first, followed by the description of the act of speaking. The hypothetical speaker is usually, by convention, called "Tom" (or "he" or "she"). more »

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Poets and philosophers, rappers and comedians 
Put away the differences, I'll meet you in the median 
The media ain't free cause it can be bought by some greedy men 
Fetch my fucking coffee, son, and make that shit expedient 
The scenery is changing now, on some funny shit 
Rappers out here nowadays, they making country hits 
What's up then? My flow is rough, no slouch 
Disrespecting beats like F*ck your couch 

Honoring the problematic pioneers and prophets 
Of the culture you exploit and try to engineer for profits 
The optics are psychotic when you cop the new robotics 
Trade your stock tips for an option on the upcoming apocalypse 
Rocking since my adolescence, ain't nobody stopping this 
We suffering from suffering this painful dearth of common sense 
Mumble rappers popping shit, topping all the charts and it's 
A hateful wake-up call to those who be rhyming with cognizance 
Often it's a problem when skill ain't the key to dominance 
These poseurs out here faking now put the "con" in confidence 
Postulating cost-effective ways to dupe the populace 
Bombing your metropolis with dubious preposterousness 
Bolster claims of opulence with rented cars and garments 
Spitting nonsense bars, the prominence of fakery is obvious 
The trend is more than ominous, makes room for apologists 
Who lauding this when it belongs in Wack Emcees Anonymous 
Honestly, I'm trying to be compassionate as I can be 
But how can I be positive when trapped in this monopoly 
Of bland authoritarians that pose as a democracy 
Got to be a better way to get away from poverty 
Sick of all this sameness, this auto-tuned monotony 
They cheating on these beats but, me, I practice strict monogamy 
Married to the rhythm, rhymes, and beats, and I'll probably 
Rock with heat till dying takes me out of this cacophony 
How did I get glued inside this rock n' roll suicide 
I don't know, I'm stupefied, give you the facts and you decide 
Who am I to hate on other rappers till I lose my mind 
I write my own lucid rhymes, used to grinding, do or dying 
Lose the iron, gangsta, get some education, use your mind 
It's true the finest things in life cannot be bought, you'll lose in time 
If you inclined to fire without giving it a second thought 
Your tomb, I'll pry it open, defile your corpse, I'm wrecking shop 
Set upon a pedestal with other rappers' heads on top 
Bet on cops to take me out before this cat named Stead will stop 
Rhyming with that crazy vocal prowess, yeah, I shred a lot 
Battle almost three months straight like Okinawans, dead your slop 
Yes, I'll drop the science on you climate change deniers 
Rip your eyes out with some pliers, you already wearing blinders 
These lying social climbers give they hearts away without no hesitation 
On the darkest days, up on the stage is where you'll find us 
When in doubt I rely on ideas that my pen will spout 
Getting out these thoughts that plague my head is what I've been about 
Might be my experience or something that I read about 
Either way I'm really only trying to find a better route 
To self-expression, when the lesson's finished, then I send it out 
To ears ready to hear it with its clearly planned, intended clout 
Even make your grandparents shout that I'm spiffy 
Severing your mind, the heavy-grinding Tom Swifty
And I'm out

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