Now Is All You Have (feat. Kill Ebola)

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Dytenna

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Basically man, I just want to let you know that no matter what's going on with your family like
I-I think back to the message you-you left me the other day
And I just-I think about it all the time and I
Even when we don't talk everyday
I do want you to know that I'm always thinking about you
Because, you know, you really are my family bro, you really are my heart
And, you know, when you talk about my family-being in turmoil
The fact that you're thinking about me when your own family's in turmoil just shows that

We really are brothers and we really are in this together
And it's not your life and my life

It's our life and I really believe that
So I just want you to know that I, care about you eternally
I love you to death, and you know, whatever's going on at home or
What ever you know, is spiraling out of your control
You know, the things that you can control are the-the people you have around you right now (I highly disagree)
And you know, right now, it's me and Blake and it's always going to be that
And so yeah, I just hope that brings you a little bit of comfort
If you're ever feeling alone, or you're feeling, like hopeless
Just know that, you know, were always here, I'm always here

And I-yeah, I love you so much man ("I love you, pop")
"Dillon, I love you so much, with my whole heart"
And no matter what, we're going to get through this together
"Is there anything I can do to help you?"
And we'll bring whatever we go through ("Dill,")
In our individual lives ("You do already make me proud")
And use it to help each others-help each others pain
And ease it, and solve it, and, put it towards the things that we love to do, and create
So, yep, that's all, just-just wanted you to know that I'm always thinking about you
Just keep trying to-Keep trying to just see it through

You know, don't worry too much about tomorrow, just try your best to remember who loves you, who cares about you, and yeah that's all
Alright man
Love you brother, goodnight

Crying in Momma's arms, I just want to drop
Crying in Rhesa's shoulders, man I just want to stop
Crying in Jack's chest cause his height will prop
Me up, 'till I feel like I'm at the top
Crying in Momma's arms, I just want to drop
Crying in Rhesa's shoulders, man I just want to stop
Crying in Jack's chest cause this guilt is propping me up, 'till I want to jump off a rooftop

But my words killed the rest of their sanity
Repressed memories only infest when I'm just living intensely
I don't know how to fess up, I don't know how to rest
I'm just living a lie inside my life, I'm distressed
I said
Get me out
Get me out
Grieving that I've never had a father figure to help me figure shit out
Get me out
Get me out
I'm just burning out colossally, I wanna put a bullet in my mouth

Eyes roll back in my dome
Visit the home of a ghost expanding on it's own
I'm on the go down the road that ain't that safe or known
Empty the throne
Breaking bones for a city in prone
The guilt has grown
Yuh, and I can't shake it off
Distracted 'till I'm numb from soft drink 'till knocked then I wake up to cough 
Child of Light, not of wroth, but feeling caught yuh
Take me far from land
Not a fan of rotting plot yuh
I just want it back
I just want it back
I just want it back
I just want it back
Yuh, Yuh
I just want it back
I just want it back
I just want it back

Crying in Momma's arms, I just want to drop
Crying in Rhesa's shoulders, man I just want to stop
Crying in Jack's chest cause his height will prop
Me up, 'till I feel like I'm at the top
Crying in Momma's arms, I just want to drop
Crying in Rhesa's shoulders, man I just want to stop
Crying in Jack's chest cause this guilt is propping me up, 'till I want to jump off a rooftop

Everything's temporary (F*ck)
Don't let it get a hold of you
Just let it all go (F*ck, F*ck, F*ck)
Just let it all go
"Just accept it"
"Just leave it be"
It's not coming back for you and it never will

When you never wanted to hurt anyone
But it just so happened that you did
Do you even live with all that guilt?
Or do you take it to grave with an N2 tank to asphyxiate?

When you just cant stop thinking that you really ain't shit (you ain't shit)
Oh, then your grandfather dies and it just doesn't sit right (just doesn't sit right)
Then your parents divorce (and they divorced)
And it's just yelling every night, you're always fighting step dad
And your fear overlaps all might

Time passes then you find your crowd mixed with a princess brightening your life at the time
Man you're safe and sound
And she guides you to the light, you love her so tightly
She heals your inner child wounds 'cause she loves you too

When you just can't stop lying about dumb shit
Do you retreat to the toxic relationship with your mind that's split in half?
Do you take time to think about the things you've done while you sit alone, lone at home
And you also turn lost: prone to roam in public to feel less unknown
At the same time, you feel less known
When your only brothers and people you had in your life now seem to resent you and your phone number (They don't pick up)

And my head got lost in the stage grieving everything I've ever done
I don't wanna fight anymore, but I'd hate to let it eat me from inside

I don't wanna stay here: In the fits of apathy: Man I can't care
Both of my feet dipped in the pit of my darkest trenches of the hate and the shame
It wont go away, I swear
Begging you for one fair last chance
I too f*ck up, are you aware?

I know you can't trust me no more but you can't say though that
I'm never going to try enough to be better, repair
I don't want to say that I can't fucking change but it seems like that when you react how you did
It doesn't even make sense to me that I'm tumbling in blame like I killed somebody but shit, to bid, it doesn't seem like y'all would be surprised
Calling me pathological, saying shit I'll omit
Did any one of y'all remember that I make mistakes 'cause I ain't perfect?
F*ck, I'm sorry

What else can I say?
What?
Fucking A
Fucking A
Agh
Everybody moves on, no one really gives a f*ck
What else can I say? (What else?)

It's fucking pointless
How am I supposed to do this?
This is not-This is not at all what I'm supposed to do every day
This is not how I'm supposed to live and be treating my fucking mental stability
Man, f*ck this
Ahaha
Shit
F*ck it all man, f*ck this shit

And I just fucking loathe
Every time I been showing up
And it's just highs or lows that are alternating on me daily
It got me feeling those fits of angst enraging
Staging trauma, dumping throes knowing that "Now is all you have"

Yeah
Now is all you have
F*ck
I'm aware what I'm doing wrong and I know I'm negative
I know I'm sensitive
I know all the things 'bout my damn repetitive tendencies
But I can't seem to forget it and if I could, I would fucking wreck it
I know I'm so damn perfectionistic to large degrees, man, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know it all
(Ignorance is bliss)

But, I don't want a type of pain that seems redeeming
Don't want to outgrow fights with resilience
Want it to beat me to shit so I can validate my cry for help
I know it's needy, bullshit, need to breach, please
And I'm chasing everyone
And everything
And the things I lost back
And they're drawing themselves away much farther
I'm chained in a mason jar with one lung intact with a world throwing this jar off radar where I'm at
I'm a realist and I've walked too far alone my whole life: "I'm at fault for that" (Woah)

I'm at fault for that
I'm so fucking at fault
Nothing else I do works any more
But poor me, sorry me
Once again, poor me, sorry me 'cause I'm at fault for everything

F*ck it all, man f*ck it all

Can you even fucking breathe?
Can you fucking see me through the lens of my better breed?
Fucking glass is all, glass is all you fucking breathe
And it doesn't fucking make sense every time I adjust to "be"
I'm just tryna "be inside of me"
I don't know how to see, I don't know how to plead
I can't breathe no more
Tired of saying shit wi

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