Northbound (feat. Blake Alcide)
Dytenna
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I woke up in car at night, passenger side With an invisible driver going 111 miles per hour down an empty highway Except, it wasn't as empty as I thought it was We were getting chased by faceless police Or, at least, I was I'm constantly being hounded Always "wanted" by these police and needing to be arrested for all the "wrong" things I do, wrong things I say, wrong things I live by (Fucking look at you, you're playing the fucking victim!) And the worst part of it all is that this invisible driver isn't hurling us off of a cliff And I fucking hate that (What the f*ck, yo, yo, yo, woah, woah, woah, shit!) These dreams of getting in accidents are coming true more and more often With all the guidance in the world but my stubbornness leading me to neglect it I lie to myself and in turn everyone I care about (You fucking liar!) Then, out of nowhere "You" came into my life Then soon, we were floating around waiting for a light to turn on to gravitate towards to help us cope and fight after undergoing reigns of abuse and neglect We were like moths, flying into the fire of our differences We were expecting that this fire would provide only a new set of eyes to see with Except they pulverized us The fire never burned out I've been screaming ever since Never loud enough though (It never fucking ends, it never fucking ends man I-I-I-F*ck, I'm sorry, shit!) Our inner child wounds have never been healed And we remained receptive towards the paintings of turmoil That we still treaded beneath in those times We never felt loved, appreciated, and felt like burdens We however became dependent on one other for those qualities We've been devoid of so long We loved, appreciated each other, and never burdened the other Through this, our inner beings and senses-of-selves vanished Equally tarnished by reality and pressured by escapism as well Engaging in it through the use of music and sex, it was our way of fleeing Together (I love you, I love you) We said to each other that we must move forwards through forewords of the book Of our fears to nevertheless remind ourselves That we are one, conjoined, inseparably connected And together fighting through it all Fueled by the hell (And I love you) But, I broke every barrier of trust and order And I lost you and everyone else as a result of it Everything spiraling like this feels non-stop to that of this highway I'm being driven through I plead and attempt to please And drive and also neglect to be driving (What are you doing? Grab the fucking wheel!) The stakes that have been at hand are not worth it to deal with I'd rather not live with this ground to be constantly shaking And only have me feeling its effects And here's the thing It's too hard to be here, where the rage aligns with despondency You can't control everything though I was prompted with the question of how many times Could the same person break your heart I ask instead, how many times could life break your heart? How many times is it necessary for there to be another up and then another down? Another up, another down? Why can't it consistently just be one or the other? How can you put that trust in life, and even have that hope When life gets good, just for it to come crashing down again? Why depend? There's always something I'd rather not deal with ups and downs on purpose Just to know that nothing good will ever last I lost will Through years and years of never being there for yourself, providing only for others You eventually lose yourself to insanity Making choices you never intended to, sacrificing your own wants Having it develop into sacrificing your own needs, and then with all of that Everyone starts Questioning if you're mentally sane Instead of knowing that you're human and make mistakes too I learned from it though I know the outcome now I'm delving deeper and deeper into my psyche I just don't want to be treated like I need to be locked away or exiled It doesn't help I've done too much good for the world and for people that it seems As though the thing to look at is what I've done deemed bad or not up-to-par With my said "usual" This overthinking and over-abundance of self awareness comes at a toll But, it's just because I'm an INFJ Because I'm a virgo Because I'm a good person Because I'm still a teenager Because I overthink Because I F*ck all of that I still feel hopeless at the end of the day And I don't mean that in a form of quiet desperation or complacency I mean it now in the sense that I don't care anymore Because I'm enough and I don't need anything more or less I don't need to look for anything I never realized it until now But, the car door has been unlocked this entire time I can jump out Whenever I want And just like that roadkill on the highway Everyone will continue to drive past it until it decomposes and it's forgotten It won't be searched for And that's the problem You sit searching And that's why you're lost
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"Northbound (feat. Blake Alcide) Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/12703178/Dytenna/Northbound+%28feat.+Blake+Alcide%29>.
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