Secondhand Smoke

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The Real You

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I know I haven't been so close to home
Voicemails, stack on my telephone
I think I like to here you talk
Cause I hear him in the silence when you breathe or stop
Cold as ice
To the touch
Soft skin
Beaten rough
Get up and go out again
Carry on, you'll forget
One day it gets better
My mother always told me to turn that frown upside down
Overreacting, the questions you're asking
I don't have the answers
I haven't been coming around
I know I never told you
I never had the strength to say
I think I'll be fine
It's apparent that I'm
In search of a feeling
That doesn't exist in my brain
Calculated thoughts on how to fall asleep quickly
Maybe time moves slower, if I stop to breathe
Counting sheep but really counting memories
Taking notes from a time that felt so easy
It was so easy
I didn't think you'd notice, but
It's so hard to show up to the things that remind me of
The times we spent in your last days
Find rot in your empty space
I know you said you're there for me
Something I should've known
So tell me what you really see
Now that I'm on my own
I wish it played out differently
Lighting candles when it's time to leave
My mother always told me to turn that frown upside down
Overreacting, the questions you're asking
I don't have the answers
I haven't been coming around
I know I never told you
I never had the strength to say
I think I'll be fine
It's apparent that I'm
In search of a feeling
That doesn't exist in my brain
Calculated thoughts on how to fall asleep quickly
Maybe time moves slower, if I stop to breathe
Counting sheep but really counting memories
Taking notes from a time that felt so easy
This fear that I built up
Is this what it means to grow up
I won't amount to anything
I'm constantly, losing my sanity
And I tried
To see you
And I tried
To be there
My mother always told me
To turn that frown upside down
Goodbye was hard
But I'm finally coming around

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